CantSleepClownsWillEatMe's blog: "Germany"

14 May 2007 Sitting here being down....Rudi is out of town till Wednesday for work, which I understand completely, but missing him extremely and knowing I have to go back to the states in a few days is killing me. I keep feeling like my heart cant take it. I know I am strong enough and will pull through this cuz I do have Rudi's love to see me through. Yet at this moment I feel so weak. I know that I basically keep writing the same thing over and over but I have to express it some how. I am despising going home and ending up in the drama of the family. For once I am free from that and not missing it at all. I know where I was in my life and I know where I am now, so they can speak evil thoughts all they want. For once I am able to hold my head up high towards them, cuz I know their scandulous thoughts are no longer true. Now back to Germany, yesterday I asked Rudi to fly to Spokane a week before I come back to Germany. I would love for him to meet my kids and some of my family. Then I would be able to fly back with him. All I know is I have to be focused on the positive and not the negative, but at this moment it is so difficult. When I am in the states I am gonna have to keep very busy so I am not always pondering over being down. I wish there was something to make this easier. If anyone has any comments on how to make something like this easier, please let me know...