When someone who means the world the you leaves your life so unexpectedly??
Its coming close to the 2 year anniversary of my grandmas death and yet I still havent moved on. Some days are easier than others but often I find myself blanking out and thinking about her.
I have yet to resolve my issues with her and God over her death. I want to be at a point where I can just forgive yet I cant. There is still so much anger in me and yet I cant find it in me to just drop it? Is it because Im just stubborn and dont want to drop it or i it because I am afraid that forgiving them both will mean that I accept that she is gone??
I dont want to accept that she is gone. She was my life and I miss her more than anything. This woman practically raised me and kept me on my toes.
What I wouldnt do to be able to spend just 15 minutes with her again....no I take that back, because it would hurt more to even see her and say good bye again.
hmm..you know....Hate is a strong word...But I HATE cancer. I HATE what it does to the people who have that horrible disease and I HATE what it does to those people surrounding them. My family will never be the same....
Its so easy to offer a simple smile and tell everyone "yeah im ok"....Im lying...Im not ok...Im not.....I hurt every damn day and cry myself to sleep so much that it is making me sick. I hate being weak like this, My grandma would hate it. I wish this hurt could either get easier or just go away...*sigh*.....
I dunno anymore.....I just dont... But all I can do is repeat in my head 3 simple words that she used to say "Live, Laugh , Love"...She said it was the recipe for a healthy, Happy life, and she did have all that....So I will just continue on my way and always live by those words. Thanks wuela!
