ashly asked what was wrong with me yesterday and i told her nothing really i just don't care about anything anymore.then i rephrased what i had said and told her actually the truth of the matter is i do care and i can't stand it.i look that came over her face was so sad , like i somehow have gotten lost and theres no return in sight.what it all comes down to is my fucking loneliness.now im fine with doing stuff on my own in fact sometimes its just easier.the real factor in the way ive been feeling and acting is the fact that all the people i used to be able to depend on either aren't around anymore or they are but they just aren't reliable like they once were. thats what makes me so sad.Im rapidly approaching an age i never though id come to know. i honestly thought id be dead before i reached adulthood. hahah im going to be 20 in eight fucking days.i went to 6 flags last week because ive been trying to go for three or four months and everyone kept flaking so i just went and you know it was pretty fucking kool. now i just need to stop flaking on my own plans hahah i always plan to go to clubs i used to go to and lately ive been getting ice cream and eating it all instead... isnt that sick? i really am kind of content with the way things are i just wish people could be how they used to be.as for myself im trying to be more accepting of how things just are. Im going to do everything on my own.
