It is amazing to me..how much I have changed.
Growing up I rarely wore shoes.
I lived in a place where our neighbors were just a car ride away.
The only sounds you can hear are the ones that are nature made. Grasses raise and flow with the wind.
I would sit for hours on hot dry evening, my tired feet resting in the cool puddles that our irrigation made.
I would ride my horse into the lake and run him after cows that I was so afraid of.
(I was afraid of him too...i just never said so.
wouldn't want to hurt his feelings and such.)
My Father woke my sister and I early each Saturday morning and with bleary eyes we would set out in his huge clunker of a military truck.
Up the mountain we would go to the newest felled trees. He's break out his chainsaw and we would load wood into the truck.
Afternoon could find us dragging brush into piles and I have dug my share of ditches. dug and re dug again when they were too shallow.
We would take late night walks. The moon and the stars were the only light. Crickets sang, branches snapped and never once were we afraid.
How many years later and the sight of a bug screeches me.
I hop about like a ballerina, clapping my hands (very special needs like).
My whole body shudders and I cannot stand to look at it. I cry out to the nearest person "GET ITTT! GEEEEEET IT" and while I do ...my hands clap. My hair flies.
I will run to the furthest reaches of my home. Crying out "Didja get it???"
Standing there. Shuddering and making "ickkk ickkk" noises with my mouth.
I remember going fishing as a child, and using grasshoppers for bait. You hook 'em on, by popping the hook through their heads.
The fish seemed to love the way they moved.
The very thought of this and the sound that it made makes me want to hurl onto the computer keys.
This evening a spider dared to run past me. It was fat and brown and hairy.
I raised my feet and froze. Obviously thinking that if i didn't move, it wouldn't see me, hop onto my head and try to suck the life from me.
"SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE SHANNNNNNNNNNNE...a spider a spiderrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!"
My son hops from the nice cozy bed he had made himself on the couch.
"What?!" his eyes are sleepy.
I could give a fuck.
"There's a spider!" I barely move my lips. (remember my whole moving theory.)
"Where?" He stomps over.
"Its there!" my eyes move from him to the spider. He should obviously know my 'bug' signlanguage by now.
And he does.
He sighs and looks at me. His hair is especially foofy tonight.
"You gave birth. TWICE!" he hold up two fingers.
"Yesidid." My eyes staring at the spider. I obviously think that only my stare is keeping the spider from moving.
For a moment I am in awe of my superpowers.
Until it starts to creep under my desk.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEshaneEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE itsgannagetme!"
"Mom CALM DOWN!"
"I gave birth to you for this express purpose. I waited until you were old enough to kill bugs before i let your father move out...getitgetit!"
He rolls his eyes at me and comes near with a shoe.
"WAIT!" I exclaim
"WHATMOM."
I pause and look at the spider
"What if it has babies."
He snorts and shakes his head.Turning back to his spider masacre.
"Well now its gone."
"It iiiiiis? It must have left."
"Yes it must have. Maybe your screaming hurt its ears too." And He lumbers back to his couch.
