kelchrise's blog: "done"

MY BROKEN HEART HIDDEN FROM ALL EYES MY BANISHED SOUL HAS BEEN GONE FOR DAYS MY BUSTED SPIRIT SCATTERED WITH LIES MY EMPTY HOPE COVERED BY MY STUBBORN WILL MY CUTTING PAIN SO HE HOLDS THE KNIFE MY UNCONTROLLED FEELINGS LIKE HE HAS THE RIGHT MY COLLAPSED FORM HE NEVER HELD ME IN HIS ARMS MY ENTIRE BODY LYING IN A RIVER OF BLOOD

I WANTED TO DIE THAT NIGHT UNDERNETH MY BATHROOM LIGHT I SHOULD HAVE TOOK MY LIFE WITH ONE SMALL CUT OF MY KNIFE I SHOULD HAVE JUST LAID DOWN TIL MY EARS HEARD NO SOUND I SHOULD HAVE CLOSED MY EYES UNTIL I LOST TRACK OF TIME I SHOULD HAVE STOPPED BREATHING THEN MY HEART WOULD STOP BEATING I SHOULD HAVE DIED BUT INSTEAD I JUST CRIED

THIS CUT, NO PAIN I CUT, THIS VEIN ONE CUT, I TAKE SMALL CUT, ONE BREATH THIS CUT, SMALL PAIN I CUT, MY VEIN ONE CUT, BLOOD CAME SMALL CUT, NOT THE SAME NO CUT, THIS DEEP THIS CUT, I KEEP I CUT, ONE MORE ONE CUT, SMALL FLOOR SMALL CUT, THIS TIME THIS CUT, MY CRIME MY CUT, ONCE TOUGH ONE CUT, NOT ENOUGH NO CUT, I CRY I CUT, MUST DIE

BRUISES, SCRATCHES, CUTS, AND SCARS DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU STARTED A FIRE WITH ALL THE PHYSICAL PAIN YOU'VE DELT YOU WILL NEVER KNOW EXACTLY HOW I FELT WITH EVERYDAY THE FIRE GETS HIGHER IM GONNA TELL EVERYONE YOU'RE A BIG FUCKING LIAR YOU KEEP PRESSING AND PUSHING AND FUELING THE FLAMES AND SOON NO ONE WILL REMEMBER YOUR NAME TRYING TO GROW AND TRYING TO LIVE HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO YOUR KID I GOT IT NOW, I KNOW HOW TO MAKE YOU BOW MY FIRE IS TOO HIGH, I HAVE TO LET IT OUT AND YOU ARE FILLED WITH DOUBT YOU THINK I WILL FAIL YET AGAIN YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE TROUBLE YOU'RE IN I OPEN MY MOUTH, TAKE A DEEP BREATH, I BLOW OUT THE FIRE AND BURN YOU IN YOUR EVIL DESIRES

CONFUSION IS NOTHING NEW I AM ME AND YOU ARE YOU I AM YOUR CONFUSION BETWEEN ME AND YOU WHAT CAN I DO TRUTH IS I NEVER CONFUSED YOU I WAS THE GAME TO YOU I'M NOW ASHAMED OF YOU CONFUSION IS NOTHING NEW BETWEEN ME AND YOU THATS WHAT MAKES THIS TRUE

SHE TRIES TO HIDE HER BURNING EYES FROM THE STING OF SUNRISE AS SHE CONTEMPLATES UNDER HER PILLOW SHE PUTS HER FACE AS SHE TRIES TO SUFFOCATE NOT WANTING TO GET OUT OF BED BECAUSE OF THE THOUGHTS THAT FILL HER HEAD TODAY SHE WISHED SHE WERE DEAD SHE WILL NEVER HAVE KNOWN THE LOVE THAT SHE HAS NEVER SHOWN SO WHAT ARE ALL THE FEELINGS SHE HIDES BELOW

WHILE LOST IN MY MIND I DABBLE WITH TIME WHEN A PAIR MEET MY STARE IN THAT INSTANCE MY MIND PAUSED FOR A SECOND WHAT WAS I THINKING BEFORE I SAW THOSE EYES BLINKING MY MIND IS RACING MY BODY IS SHAKING MY THOUGHTS ARE CHAOTIC I WANT TO DO SOMETHING EROTIC HOW CAN THAT BE ALL YOU DID WAS LOOK AT ME WHEN DID I REALIZE THAT YOU HAD ME MESMORIZED IN MY MIND I HAD DOUBTS WHEN DID THEY COME OUT MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE

I'M HOME FROM WORK AT THE DOOR I LERK STARING AT WHAT SEEMS TO BE MY HUSBAND WITH DARK HAIRED COMPANY AS I LOOK AROUND THE ROOM I BEGIN TO FEEL SO USED I LOOK BACK TO THE BED WHERE I USE TO LAY MY HEAD HE HASN'T SEEN ME YET FOR THIS I BET HE WILL REGRET I LOOK AROUND THE HOUSE AND TRY NOT TO THINK OUT LOUD BACK AT THE BEDROOM DOOR BACK TO EVEN THE SCORE TO THE BEDSIDE NOT TRYING TO HIDE MY WHITE SATIN SHEETS WILL LOOK GOOD IN RED I THINK I PULL THE TRIGGER MY SOUL IS BITTER HE HAS NO WHORE NO LOVE, NO MORE BEFORE HE HAD A CHANCE TO THINK I MADE THE METALLIC CLINK NOW I SLEEP WELL WITH MY RED SATIN SHEETS IN HELL

as the day dissolves in the darkness there goes time as the night nudges away from the day there goes time as the heart flutters when you speak there goes time as the eye blinks back tears of you there goes time as the mind breaks from thoughts of you there goes time as my soul bleeds because of you there goes time as the day comes near to you there goes time as the moment we are together there goes time as the year yearns for lust there goes time as the time passes i wait to see you there goes time

The alarm clock sounds I roll over to you but you're gone I miss you I get up, get dressed And out the door I go I miss you I get off for lunch Come to meet up with you but you're gone I miss you I go back to work Thoughts of the good times fill my mind I miss you I get off work, racing through traffic But you're gone I miss you I make some dinner, watch T.V. And wait for you I miss you I go to bed and try to sleep but you're gone and I miss you I lie awake and think you are gone and I miss you