The following are my own.
Number 1, part 1.
When your SO brings home a bottle of love lube that warms when it gets wet, pay attention during the aftermath. If you hear him say he's going to go wash it off, NOW is the time to remember that it warms when wet, not when you hear the blood curdling scream from the bathroom.
Part 2.
If you didn't pay attention and you hear said scream, DO NOT begin to laugh hysterically. This action will pretty much guarantee that you are cut off for a week or so.
Number 2, part 1.
Do not place a bunch of tea lights on a dinner plate thinking that it will be romantic but at the same time give you enough light to play like you usually do with the lights on. Wax melts and the closer the candles are to each other, the bigger the flame.
Part 2.
Try to rember that melted wax acts much the same way as melted grease when on fire. Do not throw water on said flaming candles. You now have a flare up that will scorch the ceiling, not to mention splattering the walls and whatever surface the plate was on with large blobs of candle wax. The way to handle this one is to grab another dinner plate and invert it on the foot tall flame you have created thus extinguishing it like putting the pan lid on a grease fire.
The following were told to me by an elderly gentleman and so have not been tested by yours truely. I was told they apply after 60 and I am not there yet.
Never pass a bathroom.
Never waste a hard-on.
Never trust a fart.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I hope these help someone avoid an accident waiting to happen. Cheers!
