Equality
A Heartwarming Story Of The Advances Of Women In Achieving Equality Throughout The World
Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in The Middle East several years before the Gulf War. She noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.
She returned to the region recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.
Ms. Walters approached one of the women and said, "This is marvelous. Can you tell the free world just what enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?"
"Land mines," said the woman.
Frank Feldman
A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just as it was going by. He gets into the taxi and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time like my coming along when you needed a cab. Things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could also golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star, and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me - I change a fuse and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, some guy, then!"
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams; not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake."
Passenger: "Mmm, there's not many like him around."
Cabbie: "And he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answered her back even if she was in the wrong. And his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - he was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."
Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"
Cabbie: "I married his widow."
Quickies
A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry. It is common and almost expected that a bride will change something on her registry at least once (dishes, color of towels, etc.).
The Customer Service Rep told her that J.C. Penney would be happy to make the change. He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens or the crystal.
The bride said, "No, no, keep all the important stuff the same. I just want to change the name of the groom."
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Last summer, my husband took me camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along some outdoor-survival lore.
One day we got lost hiking in the deep woods. He tried the usual tactics to determine direction... Moss on the trees (there was no moss), direction of the sun (it was an overcast day), etc.
Just as I was beginning to panic, he spotted a small cabin off in the distance. He pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, turned and led us right back to our camp.
"That was terrific," I said. "How did you do it?"
"Simple," he replied. "In this part of the country all the TV satellite dishes point south."
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Mary was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of the insurance policy with the clerk at the Insurance Agency. During the discussion, she asked. "Suppose I take the life insurance for my husband today and tomorrow he dies? What will I get?
The clerk eyed her suspiciously and replied, "Probably a life sentence."
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Little Johnny went to the doctor to get a vaccination. After the shot, the doc pulled out a Band-Aid and started to cover the spot on his arm. Johnny asked him to put it on the other arm.
The doctor said, "I put the Band-Aid over where you got the shot to let others know that it's tender and they shouldn't touch it. Why do you want it on the other arm?"
Johnny answered, "You really don't know much about little boys, do you?"
Railroad
This is a transcript between a commuter and the railroad company regarding services of the latter.
Gentlemen:
I have been riding trains daily for the last twenty-two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.
Yours truly,
A Commuter
The reply to the above:
Dear Sir:
We received your letter with the reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.
Sincerely,
Western Railways
And the counter-reply was:
Gentlemen:
I am in receipt of your letter and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible, Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass... That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last twenty-two years!
Yours Truly,
A Commuter
