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Tabie's blog: "DOMINATE"

created on 05/23/2009  |  http://fubar.com/dominate/b296529

Dominate

We often hear people in the scene talking about this Master or that Mistress, this Dom or that Domme, we hear good things and bad things, things to make our hair stand on end, things to make us laugh and things to make us cry.

 

Of course believing everything bad you hear, is not a good idea, as many statements come from rumours and hearsay.

 

It’s not only bad things we hear though, word of mouth recommendations are usually accurate, and so if someone tells you that Master X or Mistress Y is a good Dominant, then you could reasonably expect that to be close to the truth.

 

So what is it that makes a good Dominant – what qualities does a person need to wear such a label.

 

 I have answered this question on other forums with this quote:

 

 A good dominant does not have to blow Their own trumpet – they just “ARE”. They don't have to demand respect, they gets that anyway, They don’t have to announce to the world who They are, because Their reputation and the respect of Their peers precede Them.'

 

 Of course there is much more to it than a simple quote – the qualities in a good Dominant are many and varied and in reality the qualities are really attributed to the PERSON – by that i mean that a particular man (or woman) is a good Dominant because He or She possesses qualities that are the essence of a good person.

 

A good person has qualities such as kindness and consideration, empathy and sympathy, politeness and respect of others, honesty and ethics, and probably many more that could be added to this list.

 

It is those qualities which give a person the character, personality and skills to be good at anything he or she does, whether it be a career, family, or dominance – or submission for that matter.

 

 A good Dominant will not read a few pages on the internet, have a look through a book and then declare themselves an experienced master/mistress with many years experience and several “trained submissives” under their belt.

 

Most good Dominants have taken the time and trouble to attend workshops and seminars and have perhaps had lessons from or sought advice from other Dominants more experienced than themselves.

 

 There are many so called Dominants who do not know the difference between being dominant and being domineering.

 

A domineering person thinks that it is all about “being in charge” no matter what. Domineering people are often overbearing, loud and tyrannical – yes they exercise control, but it is done in an oppressive way, they are unjust and severe in their treatment of the people around them and their control is often enforced with threats of physical punishment and with no thought for anyone but themselves.

 

On the other hand, a Dominant person also exercises complete control but it is done in a more subtle way, with influences and thoughts rather than threats and physical punishments.

 

Dominants care about the people around them, and though they can be authoritarian and powerful, they have the utmost respect for others and a high level of care and consideration.

 

So a good Dominant, takes responsibility for the submissive or submissives in their life, they control them and dominate them, but they are empathetic to them and sympathetic to their needs, understanding that for any submissive to give their best, they must be secure and confident in their submission.

 

A good Dominant is respectful of others, both submissive and dominant, and is not too proud to ask for advice or help if it is needed.

 

 A good Dominant is the one whose name comes up in conversation time and time again, they are the one who is sought out for advice, or help.

 

They are the one who other Dominants aspire to be like, their role model to up and coming Dominants, and they are the one that many submissives would like to belong to.

 

A good Dominant is popular within the scene and makes time for everyone, and more importantly, does not belittle others, no matter what they may think. They treat everyone with respect and kindness, but does not suffer fools and is not afraid to speak their minds and tell someone off should it be necessary.

 

They also try to be non-political, as far as is possible, not entering into arguments or disagreements, but instead is more likely to act as a pacifier and an arbitrater in an effort to diffuse the situation rather than inflame it.

 

 And of course with this, comes the “tall poppy” syndrome.

 

There are jealous people in every group or society, people who are consumed with it and who will try to discredit someone at every opportunity.

 

Most good Dominants simply ignore the criticisms and barbs aimed at them, as they are secure in themselves and know that fires without fuel will eventually die.

 

And to answer ‘is the D/s as good as i thought it would be’….. It is far better than i thought it would be – and i have learned many things about myself and my life.

 

So in conclusion, I can say that in my opinion, a good Dominant is the one who is looked up to by their peers and sought out by Dominants and submissives alike, for friendship, and advice. they are well respected and well liked due to their nature and personality, and gives much of themselves to others.

 

 

 


 

 

 

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