Dominant vs. Domineering
The two terms, Dominant and domineering, are often misused and mistakenly considered interchangeable. In the first instance, a Dominant is part of a lifestyle. One in which there are certain expectations and responsibilities (unique to each relationship).
An important part of that lifestyle is the recognition that it needs to be mutually gratifying. That is to say that the happiness and well being of a submissive is equally as important as the Dominant's. One thing that distinguishes a domineering person from a Dominant is a lack of this recognition.
People that are domineering are selfish, and serve their own interests. It's sad to think that being overbearing, loud and demanding might be confused with being Dominant, but the fact is that it often is. Guess that doesn't say much about us Dominants and the image we project.
Another way that domineering people differ from Dominants includes an inability to "earn" things such as trust and respect. They demand it. A Dominant understands that trust and respect cannot be commanded, but can only be bestowed upon one that has demonstrated a worthiness of it. Similarly, Dominants value the submission that is offered them by a submissive. They know its worth, and the great strength it takes to submit.
In contrast, domineering people "take" submission (though, anything "taken" non-consensually is likely to be abuse). They make every effort to force it, steal it. Submission holds no value to those that are domineering, it is simply a matter of taking by force what they desire. It's always important to recognize that Dominants are humans. They're complete and well rounded individuals, as outlined in my article "What Is A Dominant". And as humans they make mistakes. That's unavoidable.
Dominants have the self-confidence to face their mistakes. To own up to them, admit them, apologize for them and make things right. Those that are merely domineering often do not admit mistakes. They portray a facade of perfection that in and of it's self is not credible. They do not make amends for mistakes, nor apologize for them in some mistaken belief that "Dominance" is "never having to say you're sorry".
Don't fall into the trap of confusing domineering with Dominant. As a Dominant, be aware of the difference and always avoid taking, stealing, demanding, or forcing what should and must be given freely. Your submissive will give as capable, and while you do wish to help stretch limits (and limitations) and promote personal and lifestyle growth, encouragement and compassion are more powerful and effective methods.
As a submissive, watch for the characteristics that might indicate that a "Dominant" is really domineering. Remember that anyone may apply a label to them self. Whether it fits or not is another matter. As a submissive, you are under no obligation to submit to anyone not of your choosing. Don't feel pressured or bullied. Ask for help if you feel intimidated. You have a marvelous and invaluable gift. Give it to someone that's deserving of it.
