get over the loss of another? I don't really think so. I think in time we forget to think about that person on a daily basis and if like me, when I remember then I feel a pang of guilt. As if I have dishonored their memory, their life, their meaning in my world.
My daddy was one of the greatest men I know. My mother was/is a relative psycho. She never wanted me from the moment of birth. Her idea was that if I was a boy then my father would have stayed with her and since I was not, she made a deal with him that when I was 2, she would let him have me. The exchange was made when I turned 2 years old. Some may think I am fooling when I can recall that day. I can. Its like a dream, but I remember my daddy backing my g'pas old green ford up to the front door and loading in all of my belongings. I remember being patted on the head as I was put in the cab of the truck and I remember looking up at my daddy and him smiling down on me.
Some things so detrimental to ones existance is just not forgotten. My life was never the same. I won't/can't go into details now about things, for sharing just does not come all that easy at times, but on Novemeber 2, 1987, my Daddy left me. He has been at peace for years.
The day he died, my little sister-out-law celebrated her first birthday. For years I would not even acknowledge the celebration. It hurt so bad. I would hide in the bedroom and spend the day in tears because I couldn't justify losing my daddy and having a party.
..
maybe more later. I don't know.. maybe not. maybe i just needed to get this out.
Actually..
when someone dies, everyone i know makes this life long committment that we will remember this person every moment of everyday. that nothing of our lives will ever happen without thinking of this person and so it hit me that i broke the vow. that as hard as i try right this moment i cannot conjure up a memory of my daddy's face. thats what hurts the most.
