PeRfEcTxNiGhTmArE's blog: "dissapointment"

No me preocupo por ti de esa manera, pero podemos ser amigos, pero nunca mas Te amo que eran como el ultimo tipo que estaba con unica diferencia es que se im blanco hecho lo siento no puedo jugar a estos juegos como tampoco quiero un hombre de verdad para hacerme sentir feliz y me dicen soy bonita y cuando lloro limpiarme las lagrimas en vez de hacerme llorar mas quiero sentirme vivo quiero un hombre de verdad en mi vida siento que esto no puede ser Trate de hacerle el trabajo que hice todo lo que podia hacer tengo un hijo que preocuparse por ahora no puedo jugar a estos juegos yo quiero un hombre real, no un muchacho arrepentido por todo

Take me Im alive
never was a girl with a wicked mind
but everything looks better when sun goes down
I had everything
opportunities for eternity
and I could belong to the night
your eyes I can see into ur eyes
you make me wanna die
Ill never be good enough
you make me wanna die
and everything you love will burn up in the light
every time I look inside your eyes
make me wanna die
taste me drink my soul
show me all the things that I shouldntt know
And theres a new me on the rise
I had everything
opportunities for eternity
and I could belong to the night
your eyes I can see into ur
your eyes everything in your eyes
you make me wanna die
Ill never be good enough
you make me wanna die
and everything you love will burn up in the light
every time I look inside your eyes burning in the light
Makes me wanna die
I'll die for you my love
I'll lie for you my love make me wanna die
I'll steal for you my love make me wanna die
I'll die for you my love
we'll burn up in the light
every time i look into your eyes
make me wanna die

The Wretched-NIN

just a reflection
just a glimpse
just a little reminder
of all the what abouts
and all the might have
could have beens
another day
some other way
but not another reason to continue
and now you're one of us
the wretched

the hopes and prays
the better days
the far aways
forget it

it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to
it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to, did it?
it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to
it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to, did it?

now you know
this is what it feels like
now you know
this is what it feels like

the clouds will part and the sky cracks open
and god himself will reach his fucking arm through
just to push you down
just to hold you down
stuck in this hole with the shit and the piss
and it's hard to believe it could come down to thisback at the beginning
sinking
spinning

and in the end
we still pretend
the time we spend
not knowing when
you're finally free
and you could be

but it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to
it didn't turn out quite the way that you wanted it

now you know
this is what it feels like
now you know
this is what it feels like

you can try to stop it but it keeps on coming
you can try to stop it but

Ok so Yesterday 10-8-2010 I went and got my 1st sono! wut sucked about it tho is im not far along so they couldnt use the regular sono thing they had to use the vag one and that was kinda uncomfy lol but my baby is fine! thats the good thing! Altho I am very effin scared over the whole sitiuation cuz like always im doin this on my own my fam is not very supportive ok wait my mom and dad isnt or my sis angie is uber excited my cousin is excited cuz her kid is due in march and mine is due in may! my lil bro is already thinking of girl names he said he dont want it to be a boy LOL I will be happy with wutever I get as long as the baby is healthy well ok I would like to have a boy lol I have had 2 girls already I wanna boy! but like I said I will be happy either way! Of course I have came up with baby names and I have them all writtin down but they are downstairs in my room but I will post the baby names and u all can message me and tell me wut ones or cute names and wut not juss for the hell of it lol.... even tho Im on my own with this baby im sure I can make it I made it the last time when I had worthless baby daddies lol well im not sayin that the father of this baby is worthless.. he juss has some issues and does not want another child  so i have to deal with that and take it as it is I know me and him will never be together again and that prolly a good thing lol but im hopin maybe a year or 2 down the road he will want to meet his child and want to be in its life even if its juss to see him or her once a year ya know as long as the baby knows who its father is but if he chooses not to do that then when my child gets older i will explain to them wut had happend and if my child wants to persue the path of tryin to get ahold of his/her father then that is on him/her. But yea im juss all giddy right now... I got a baby in me and hopefully that changes me more then I have already changed.

This goes out to someone that was
Once the most important person in my life
I didnt realize it at the time
I cant forgive myself for the way I treated you so
I dont really expect you to either
it's just... I don't even know
just listen
your the one that I want the one that I need
the one that I gotta have just to succeed
when I first saw you I knew it was real
im sorry about the pain I made you feel That wasnt me let me show you the way
i looked for the sun but it's raining today
i remember when I first looked into your eyes
it was like there was a God like there was a heaven
i wore a disguise cause I didnt want to get hurt
but I didnt know I made everything worse
you told me we were in love
but you didnt care when push came to shove
if you loved me as much as you said you did
then you wouldnt have hurt me like I aint shit
now you pushed me away like you never even knew me
I loved you with my heart really and truly
I guess you forgot about the times that we shared
when I would run my fingers through your hair
late nights just holding you in my arms
I dont know how I could do you so wrong
I really wanna show you I really need to hold you
I really wanna know you like no one else could know you
you were number one always in my heart
and now I cant believe that our love is torn apart
I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you cause
I wanna hold you
I wanna kiss you
you were my everything
and I really miss you
I know you gonna sit and play this with your new girl
and then sit and laugh as your holding her hand
the thought of that just shatters my heart
it breaks in my soul and it tears me apart
at times we was off I was scared to show you
now I wanna hold you until I cant hold you
without you everything seems strange
your name is forever planted in my brain
damn it Im insane
take away the pain
take away the hurt
baby we can make it work
what about when you
looked into my eyes
told me you loved me as you would hug me
I guess everything you said was a lie
I think about it it brings tears to my eyes
now Im not even a thought in your mind
I can see clearly my love is not blind
I just wish everything could have turned out differently
I had a special feeling about you
I thought maybe you did too
no matter what you'll always be in my heart
our first day it seemed so magical
I remember all the time that I had with you
remember when you first came to my house?
makes me laugh everytime i get a flash back
we hit it off I knew it was real
but now I cant take all the pain that I feel
reach in your heart I know Im still there
i dont wanna hear that you no longer care
remember the times? Remember when we kissed?
I didn't think you would ever do me like this
I didn't think you'd wanna see me depressed
I thought youd be there for me this I confess
you said you loves me was that a lie?
now I'm nothing to you you're with another girl
I tried I tried I tried and Im trying
now on the inside it feels like I'm dying
and I do miss you
I just thought we were meant to be
I guess now we'll never know
the only thing I want is for you to be happy
whether it be with me or without me
I just want you to be happy

Im tired of arguin boy
did ya sleep on the wrong side?
Im catching a bad vibe
whats the latest?
speak your heart
dont bite your tounge
dont get it twisted
dont miss-use
whats your problem?
lets resolve
we can solve
whats the causes?
its official
you got issues
i got issues
but I know I miss you
am I suposed to change?
are you supposed to change?
who should be heard?
who should be blamed?
am I supposed to change?
are you supposed to change?
who should be hurt?
who sould be ashamed?
will we remain?
we need a resolution
we have so much confusion
am I supposed to change?
are you supposed to change?
who should be heard?
will we remain?
we need a resolution
we have so much confusion
baby let me know
you gimmie bits and pieces
you try to blame me when I dont even
know the reason
I think its just the season
maybe the feeling
now tell me whats the reason
looks are decievin so cut the cryin
cut the coughin
cut the weezin boy
quit the blamin
cut the namin
cut the sneakin boy
I think you need some prayer
better call a deacon boy
so getcha act right
or else we wont be speakin boy
so whats it gonna be?
me and you?
or is it gonna be
who blames who?
im tired of these things
im tired of these scars
i think im gonna get me a drink
Ill call you tomorra

This is where Ive got to draw the line
because I refuse to let you think you can play with my mind
always seems that you think that I'm blind
cause theres always certain times when your hard to find
your on the go Im on the go were on the go
I cant catch you no more I cant see you no more
and it no longer cant be ignored
cause at once upon a time it was you I adored
you disappeared and left me here
and the absence of you is hurting my soul
didnt know there was an end of the road
it was so easy for you just to let it all go
and I refuse
I refuse to have one more sleepless night
I refuse to let a tear fall from my eye
I refuse to continue to try
I felt like I would die if I could break down and cry
I refuse to let you walk back through that door
I refuse to let you hurt me anymore
I refuse to continue to ignore
the fact that I fell to the floor the day you walked out my door
no way i can't take it baby
I refuse
no way I can't take it baby
and I refuse
no way but I refuse
to take it anymore
remeber when I told you I could feel the change
you dont touch me the same  Dont hold me the same Dont kiss me the same
no I dont want you to take all the blame
cause I know I had those moments when I caused the pain
this back and forth just like a war with you and me
see we both disagree have we ever agreed?
this aint nothing I thought it would be
was it all just a dream Was it ever in my reach?
It was your way
or it was no way
it was our call
then it was your call
cause I gave you my all and all
no way I can't take it baby
but I refuse
to take it anymore

Im so confused and dont know wut to do I love him with all my heart but he fills my heart with lies I just wish that it could be real and not pretend thats all I want is for this to be real "hurt" "anger" "love" is wuts in my leg carved it there so i'll never forget the hurt anger and love I feel I thought I found something finally to make me whole again after loosing my girls but it feels like im fixen to loose again its like a never ending battle that im always going to loose at no matter what I do I can give u my heart and my soul but it seems its never good enough for u.. all I want to know is why all the lies... I have came clean and told u about my life I told u things no one else knows but its seems all I get back in return are lies I cry and cry cause do u realize how worthless and sad I feel inside like I can never truely be loved like I want to be loved maybe Im expecting to much when everyone else tells me I've always expected to little I changed my life I changed everything about me but it seems that its never going to be good enough for ne one. I feel so stupid and feel so undermined I feel all these feelings and I just want to die... but there is something growing in me thats telling me I can survive...with or with out you but hopefully with u I just want to understand so please make me understand make me feel whole and alive make me feel like my life is worth while dont make me feel like im juss a rag doll on the side

Just let me say one thing
I've had enough
You're selfish and sorry
You'll never learn how to love
As your world disassembles
Better keep your head up

Your name, your face
Is all you have left now
Betrayed, disgraced
You've been erased

So long, so long I have erased you
So long, so long I've wanted to waste you
So long, so long I have erased you
I have escaped the bitter taste of you

Just let me clear my head
I think I've had too much
You're so disappointing
But you make good use of it
As your world disassembles
Better keep your head up

Your name, your face
Is all you have left now
Betrayed, disgraced
You've been erased

So long, so long I have erased you
So long, so long I've wanted to waste you
So long, so long I have erased you
I have escaped the bitter taste of you

Your name, your face
Is all you have left now
Disgraced, betrayed
You've been erased

So long, so long I have erased you
So long, so long I've wanted to waste you
So long, so long I have erased you
I have escaped the bitter taste
I have escaped the bitter taste of you