Definition:
A statement made to free oneself from responsibility. also called hedge clause.
A few recent events have convinced me of the importance of publishing a disclaimer about certain behaviors I may at times engage in, thereby releasing me from responsibility of said actions.
1. Accused of being a tease
v., teased, teas·ing, teas·es.
v.tr.
1. To annoy or pester; vex.
2. To make fun of; mock playfully.
3. To arouse hope, desire, or curiosity in without affording satisfaction.
Disclaimer: I occasionally do these things. And by occasionally I mean often. However, the 'you're a tease' comment that is shouted at me is meant as an insult. I believe my skill in vexing and mocking should be celebrated, not demeaned. So this is half a disclaimer...I only take responsibility for the kind of teasing where the 'you're a tease' comment can be met with a 'thank you.'
2. Accused of stalking
Disclaimer: Well, this has only happened once. It occurred because I have a habit of, well, stalking my friends profiles. I don't stop there though.. it's likely that I will then go to the people who have left comments on your profile and stalk their page. From there, I may even take it further and click on those who have left them messages. Perhaps I'm just trying to figure out if there really is six degrees of separation. Probably not. Actually, it may be because I'm bored, it may be because I think you're hot and want to see your hot friends, it may be because I saw a funny comment and wanted to follow the thread, it may be that I'm just nosey, it may be a whole lotta things. What it is NOT is an attempt to check up on you, or to find out where you live so I can carry this stalking into the real world. Honestly, I just don't have the attention span or the follow through needed for such an ambitious endeavor. So you may all feel safe. I'm too lazy to stalk.
3. Accused of being 'a hard nut to crack"
Disclaimer: I'm not a nut. Stop trying to fucking crack me. I think that may be the problem.
4. Accused of being a cold, sarcastic wench
Disclaimer: No one actually called me a wench, but I really like the word. I'm not cold...not at all. However, if you shout brilliant things like 'what r u wearing', 'ur hot, id fuc u' or 'cummmmm get it' well, I'm going to have a little fun. You're having yours, let me have mine. I'm amazed by how many of these folks don't know I'm playing and then get pissed off when they figure out I'm not actually going to do a strip show for them and the rest of the mullet convention. Come on people. If i do like you, I'll shoot you more shit. Chances are you'll shoot it back. I like that. It gives me warm fuzzies.
Okay, I think that's it for the first installment. Next on the list...red tape when you really need it. Perhaps a form to annul one night stands? Hey, if Catholics can do it to marriages for being mislead, I should at least be able to annul that one guy in Seattle who tricked me into thinking he would actually be any good.
P.S
Even Jim can't call this one poetry!
