T's blog: "Disclaimer"

C.A.M was nice enough to send me this conversation he had with Leah. You know you're jealous...they wanna do me! ->Leah♊Alissa: *tackles!* ->Leah♊Alissa: Damn. Leah♊Alissa: FTW. Leah♊Alissa: I'd buy a fucking ring, yo. ->Leah♊Alissa: I'd hit it 17 times, make her breakfast, call her, and invite her to a family reunion, AND introduce her to my friends. Leah♊Alissa: I'd hit it 10, call the next day, and introduce her to my parents. ->Leah♊Alissa: I'd hit it 8 times, and call the next day. Leah♊Alissa: Three times three times Leah♊Alissa: I'd hit it twice. ->Leah♊Alissa: I'd hit it. Leah♊Alissa: Like... seriously. Hot. ->Leah♊Alissa: I know eh? Leah♊Alissa: PS, T$$ is smokin' in pink.

times that i feel like skin ties me down too tight times i know that the things i want to do will be worse than my own undoing times that i know i could call for help and never, ever would accept any times like these when i see how broken worthless is this me that's mine times like this when i wanna hold a hand but know it would break in my need visions of the cool underside places to hide i've gone too far again left no paper trail i'm lost but repulsed by the idea of being found i don't know how what when where the only thing worse than being this would be to never find it again in love with pain a constant remorse my paramour how glamourous i dress these leaking wounds how tired you must be of this same tired tale i'm sorry it will happen again

unlike jim, i'm not nice enough to take the time to reverse this...i'll just trust that you guys can start at the bottom and work your way up...i have faith. and i feel super special that he thinks i'm great! WhiteWolf ...: lol...no...you are just so great...that i wish u like all thos things ->WhiteWolf ...: was that some kind of riddle? WhiteWolf ...: i am far away silly. it is so hard to see ur charm acrave u so strong without hope ->WhiteWolf ...: is that how you usually say hello? WhiteWolf ...: married? are u into anal? huge dicks? 4some?

wha? sitting alone with time and wine and trees... thinking that nothing means love like listening.. and nothing pretends like thought... words discuss and impress... they hide and decide.. and once, when given a moment, they slip slide into that deeper movement with skin pressed to air.. when moment is there and that is.. this nothing... the best gift i've ever been given... is all else that gives us excuse to be true...with that 'oh so not me' subtract contract. but there is the who behind…and we all know....why we search for excess.... it's in hearts hurting, mind bending, scab picking messiness.. its in hope sinking, love making, heart breaking... it's what makes us.. it's in where we hide...velvet and suede....rough edges..torn hems... it be where this me meets what i can't see..and why in the wide open we hide... and sit I now smoking..and still..past the addiction is the feeling... alone, to be... on a reservation i learned what smoke should be. i do not live it, but i could preach it. what better than to see a moment...than to feel a prayer? for there is a reason that all faith feels something sacred there. in the smoke is a sense...a sense of what? well lets see? impermanence? certainly? in the meaning of me becoming thee...of floating away? of course? but in this culture at this time...this is not the ritual. but in the smoke...or the smoking of...we go...to be with ourselves, to breathe on our own... to find comfort in eyes that slide away..that give us our own. because we aren't standing..we aren't thinking...we aren't being...for god sakes, we're just smoking...so leave us the fuck alone... words be a funny thing to me…means birth and what may come in threes. like life, wisdom, death... and all that else may be. but in the middle comes moments like these. when time may stop, events may cease, and i bow my head down to one i'm glad to have met... sees and cease..so close in sound..and from what i know both in proximity are found... funny how words be like that...and a good reason why each contact deserves a second look... .. and i do sit here in the trees..with the rain..a dog at my knees..thinking of how this week has been..for me and you my friend, and in all honesty...and hopefully skippin hallmark miderocrasy ( i can't spell) i'm just glad that in the quick movements...in what they call the hard times...there is this....good words, new friends, trees deep in needles, rain deep in promise, life deep in nonsense, and laughter always surpassing sadness...and that darlin, is more than a reason than all the smoke in the world to be happy, to breathe...

One strong kick to the side, a sharp upturn of the wrist turning nose into splinters that pierce the brain. Or that well-turned insult, that polished professionally prose that leaves no breath with which to rebuke. It is these rare violent outburts that collect the attention, that paint our world violet and orange. Beware, we think eyes slipping side to side, watching in the turning shadows for that strange, cruel other, that rare maniac ready to do us in. Yet this I tell you, brushing away the webs of paranoia, is not how we die. Not mostly. It is the arsenic in my coffee, the better to clean my dreams with. Through a thousand paper cuts my soul floats away, leaving my hand trailing the page. Standing outside, just when the rain starts. Whoever used the words 'pitter-patter' never listened. Rain speaks no small talk, no chit-chat; it licks and slides, hides and discovers. Stand in a field on a mountaintop with sight lost and the rain will see it for you. Amen. Green and dark. A million things hidden in these words. Know this and you will remember how to pray and how to taste the future and all that has fed it in a breeze. Chipped nails and broken smiles. Silence. The taste of nails clenched in teeth, teeth knocking enough to disoriente sight. Blood rising, love finding, hope sinking. A million rosaries each so rare, we count, rubbing them into dust in hopes of rest. see-saw. she saw, and we wonder why the confusion.

I know I get all the cool guys shouting at me, but this one really stands out above the rest! Read it and weep. I'm such a lucky girl! It's bottom to top. patrickbush12: OK UR NOT ANY FUN ANYMORE Y R U BEING LIKE THIS HUH patrickbush12: Y DO U FEEL BAD U SAD AT ONE POINT THAT U WERE GOING TO V=CALL ME SO ->patrickbush12: i almost feel bad. look, i'm not going to call you. you may as well move on to the next trucker and try your luck there patrickbush12: IM TRYING NOT TO I JUST WANT TO GET TO KNOW U AND MAYBE TALK TO U ON THE PHONE EVER ONCE IN AWILE ->patrickbush12: i'm impressed you haven't given up already. however, persistance in this case, is not going to pay off patrickbush12: hahaha ur funny will u please call me allready ->patrickbush12: you can't really be serious. now you're asking about my sister? well, she's a bit younger than me...65 yrs old patrickbush12: how old is she what am i not cute enoguh for you or wha is the problem patrickbush12: IT WAS A ???? About wasting time i didnt state i just asked if i was wasting ur time ->patrickbush12: i don't have any brothers. just a sister. i don't think she'll call you either patrickbush12: ALL U HAVE TO DO IS PICK UP UR PHONE AND CALL ****** PLEASE THATS ALL THAT A BROTHER ASK FOR PLEASE ->patrickbush12: no, you're also wasting mine patrickbush12: HEY SEXY SO WHATS UP AM I JUST WAISTING MY TIME patrickbush12: HAHAHHA UR FUNNY SO WHEN THE HELL R U GOING TO CALL ME HUH ->patrickbush12: oh, you just bring out the best in me i guess patrickbush12: UR MESSED UP I HAVE NO IDEA Y UR DOING THIS TO ME NOW HUH ->patrickbush12: i told you. my teeth are soaking...plus i still need to apply my hemeroid cream patrickbush12: COME ON SEXY patrickbush12: WELL U PLEASE CALL ME patrickbush12: NICE ->patrickbush12: i don't 'quiet fuck'. in fact the neighbors often complain. but hey, some privilage comes with age patrickbush12: COME ON PLEASE CALL ME AND QUIET FUCKING WITH ME PLEASE ->patrickbush12: i told you, it's earl. and i'll call as soon as i put my teeth back in. they're getting their nightly soak at the moment patrickbush12: HAHAHA YEAH WILL U CALL ME PLEASE AND WHAT IS UR NAME ->patrickbush12: really? you're into old men? sweet! patrickbush12: HAAHAHA LMAO patrickbush12: NO ->patrickbush12: sure. you don't mind that i'm actually a 72 yr old trucker named earl do you? patrickbush12: DAM GIRL HAHHAHA LMAO CALL ME AT ********* PLEASE AS SOON AS POSSIBALE patrickbush12: I KNOW IM A STREANGER BUT IF I TALK TO U ONCE THEN IM NOT A STREANGER ->patrickbush12: hahaha OK I WILL patrickbush12: WELL FINE THEN BE LIKE THAt AND DONT TRY TO MEET PEOPLE HUH ->patrickbush12: umm because i don't know you. why else would you be a stranger?

Definition: A statement made to free oneself from responsibility. also called hedge clause. A few recent events have convinced me of the importance of publishing a disclaimer about certain behaviors I may at times engage in, thereby releasing me from responsibility of said actions. 1. Accused of being a tease v., teased, teas·ing, teas·es. v.tr. 1. To annoy or pester; vex. 2. To make fun of; mock playfully. 3. To arouse hope, desire, or curiosity in without affording satisfaction. Disclaimer: I occasionally do these things. And by occasionally I mean often. However, the 'you're a tease' comment that is shouted at me is meant as an insult. I believe my skill in vexing and mocking should be celebrated, not demeaned. So this is half a disclaimer...I only take responsibility for the kind of teasing where the 'you're a tease' comment can be met with a 'thank you.' 2. Accused of stalking Disclaimer: Well, this has only happened once. It occurred because I have a habit of, well, stalking my friends profiles. I don't stop there though.. it's likely that I will then go to the people who have left comments on your profile and stalk their page. From there, I may even take it further and click on those who have left them messages. Perhaps I'm just trying to figure out if there really is six degrees of separation. Probably not. Actually, it may be because I'm bored, it may be because I think you're hot and want to see your hot friends, it may be because I saw a funny comment and wanted to follow the thread, it may be that I'm just nosey, it may be a whole lotta things. What it is NOT is an attempt to check up on you, or to find out where you live so I can carry this stalking into the real world. Honestly, I just don't have the attention span or the follow through needed for such an ambitious endeavor. So you may all feel safe. I'm too lazy to stalk. 3. Accused of being 'a hard nut to crack" Disclaimer: I'm not a nut. Stop trying to fucking crack me. I think that may be the problem. 4. Accused of being a cold, sarcastic wench Disclaimer: No one actually called me a wench, but I really like the word. I'm not cold...not at all. However, if you shout brilliant things like 'what r u wearing', 'ur hot, id fuc u' or 'cummmmm get it' well, I'm going to have a little fun. You're having yours, let me have mine. I'm amazed by how many of these folks don't know I'm playing and then get pissed off when they figure out I'm not actually going to do a strip show for them and the rest of the mullet convention. Come on people. If i do like you, I'll shoot you more shit. Chances are you'll shoot it back. I like that. It gives me warm fuzzies. Okay, I think that's it for the first installment. Next on the list...red tape when you really need it. Perhaps a form to annul one night stands? Hey, if Catholics can do it to marriages for being mislead, I should at least be able to annul that one guy in Seattle who tricked me into thinking he would actually be any good. P.S Even Jim can't call this one poetry!