It's somewhat amusing, but at the same time slightly repulsive. People make me sick. Maybe it's because I don't have a dick, I just don't understand... or maybe because they have dicks they are to stupid to realize... who knows... Maybe it's a little of both.
Yeah I know nothing is making sense, it does to me, and that's really all that matters.
I've been waiting for something... to long really... but soon, not soon in the sense that it will be shortly, but soon as in sooner than later... I'll be walking.
People tell me I am crazy... that I am... but not that kinda crazy... crazy because I care a little to much.
It hurts, constantly. Not because of the crazy entirely... but from everything. The little things... The little things people say and do... not every person, but specific ones... the little things matter most, the little things make and break with me... the little things people don’t think matter, well bitch, they matter the most.
There's so many times I just want to scream at the top of my lungs... a big loud fuck you, or an ever so pleasant I hate you... but is that me just in the heat of the moment? Or somewhere within my heart is that hate really there...
My hearts been shattered so many times, I don't think it will ever be entirely whole again... and as time passes it crumbles more and more... pieces chip, they break, it will never be put back together... not the way I want it to be. Not the way it should be... and no one has tried to put the pieces back together.
When people say they care... do they really? Remember the little things...
When people say they know me... they don't... they know pieces of me... I know me... I know me in my entirety, parts of me I have never shared with anyone, and parts I refuse to share... no matter who you are, no matter how much I care, no matter how much you care. No one is deserving enough for me to open up completely.
And maybe that will change, maybe someone will prove me wrong, but as of now... as of what I see before me... I will forever be a barrier.
It makes me sad, crushes me... I cry to much. I hurt to much. No one's around when my heart bleeds... no one.
I'm a toy, a rag doll... old and decrepit... used and worn... stitched back up one to many times... and I fall apart.
There are very few people that I talk to in this world... even fewer that I like... and just a handful I can say I trust... If I've opened up at all, then there is trust... at least some.
But how far can that go really? Just remember, I'm a doll... I fall apart.
Worthless... useless, except for the amusement of others...
Do I even make you happy?
What happened to that little girl I once knew? What happened to the smiles? She finds comfort in solitude now. Pleasure in pain... but... she's reached her breaking point... and no one is reaching out to hold her hand.
Or is it just that... she's to stupid to see the hands... or maybe not... maybe she wants to break.
Three little words can tear your life apart... three little words that no one hears...
I don't know where I am going with this, in fact I don't really know what I've said... between the tears and the sobs letters escaped my finger tips, letters formed words... and this disasterpiece was formed...
