There are few things that exist in this world that anger me more than noisy, annoying little children. The mothers of those noisy, annoying little children, however, occupy a whole different realm of Ben irritation. All too often I am jammed in a crowded elevator with one or more noisy children, whose ignorant mothers refuse to pacify their babes or even apologize for the anguish it causes other passengers, namely me. Perhaps they are talking with fellow mothers, or chatting noisily on cell phones. That’s fine with me, but the fact is, they don’t even give their earsplitting kids a second thought. Even when I try and pierce through their protective shield of selfishness with an angry glare, they act as if their irresponsibility makes me some kind of a criminal. I hate that. What kind of snooty, self-absorbed women do things like that? “Oh it’s natural, that’s how kids are supposed to act at that age, so BAM!” is a common response I receive when I broach the topic to people who have had children before. Well, is that really how they are supposed to act? Must I really be forced to tip-toe around bellowing, little children and squeeze past giant strollers just to get to the elevator door? I think not.
Oh dear no, this is certainly not the only time where I have been forced to suffer under the flagrant stupidity and snobbery of child-rearing women. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been pleasantly walking down my block and suddenly been forced to dodge a woman that came rumbling around the corner. Yet, this is no ordinary woman. Pushing an industrial sized, double stroller, yapping away on her cell phone, with her raucous children and shopping bags in tow, she is a constant reminder of how aggravating those damn mothers can be. I swear it’s gotten to the point where I’m willing to venture so far as to intentionally trip over a stroller wheel and fall, flattening her kid in the process. I can’t help but wonder what her reaction would be, or if she would even care enough to tell the girlfriend she’s talking to on her cell phone to hold on for five seconds.
It is odd, I think, that selfishness is a trait I frequently see in mothers with young children. Considering they spend thousands of dollars on “schooling,” and spend most of their free time trying to pacify their rowdy toddlers, I would never have expected these moms to be so egocentric. Take, for example, my morning commute to school. I wake up as late as possible of course, eat breakfast, get dressed, brush my teeth and finally make my way downstairs. Yet every morning without fail, I get held up by a brainless and inconsiderate mother. Here’s the deal: she rings for the elevator, but the rest of her family isn’t even close to being ready! Oh man, she so fooled me. She stands in front of the elevator door, keeping me waiting for a good minute until her husband and their three loud-mouthed kids walk out the door and scurry to the elevator, trying to look as innocent as possible. “Finally,” I think to myself, “we get to leave.” JUST KIDDING, PLAYA! Right as the door is about to close, at least once every three mornings she’ll run her hand through the electric eye of the elevator door and it will open once again. What for, one may ask? “Oh dear,” I assume she would say, “It seems as though I’ve forgotten to kiss one of my babies goodbye. I’m just going to go ahead and do that and take up more of your precious time. You know I read somewhere that kids tend to gouge their eyes out at the mere thought of not being loved adequately!” Well, thank the gods that he won’t gouge his eyes out…its quite painful.
