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Dewdrops on the Grass

DEWDROPS ON THE GRASS

a poem of remembering
 by john p reed


Written from January 2007 through February 2008

                                                                                 

I thought of pearls on a string,
of a seagull dip-skimming the Sea of Time
 flap dip - flap - flap - dip - flap - dip - dip

this came out...

                                                                                 

  Dedication 

This piece speaks of and to
a love that I have always known
that I have always been a part of.

This is dedicated to her
 and she knows it.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Outside of this time-frame, there is only us.

Speak or type - feel or imagine - dreaming or awake, the words are the same - we are one in this loving and knew it when we first traded words. Our world was immediately circumscribed into us, and them. Ever since then, we have danced together, motes in the simple continuum of YHVH, knowing always that while we may wish our love to be carnal at times, our love is a finer thing than mere fluids and membrane.

All of this is not mine though I penned it.
The words are not mine, the feeling is not mine.
It is a Gift, a great and terrible ache that I would not trade for anything less.

It is my first attempt to write of something bigger than myself, of our love for us, and our unity. I am neither boastful nor proud of it, for I know that it will be but a single splinter of an Infinite Light we are-will become.

But know my only love that in this mind that I have now, this is the best of me.

You and I have spoken of this before. You know precisely how I feel. How much more does your soul know my words?



++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++                                                                                   

 Dewdrops on the Grass

 
 What if twin souls, were not to be together, safe in the bond of Love?
The other soul would be free, but incomplete.
I am sure it would check in from time to time...


1.      I want to tell you what I see my love
        the words of my heart are something like this...
         Can you hear them?

2.      Hush beloved, hush
         Heart to Heart
         Soul to Soul,
         we are together
         and always will be.

3.      There was a time when things that passed, moved into the past.

         There was a time when future mattered too.
         But in the place of no-time there is nothing to look forward to,
         but then, there is nothing gone or forgotten either.

         I will send you love letters from there one day.

4.      I hear the song of time. It sings to my soul.
         Its notes are sweet.
         It has snared me, my love, and carries me with it now.
         It lulls me, it enervates me.
         It sings with the peace of infinity.

         There is no moment it is not the hissing of the stars,
         no second it is not the thud of my heart.

         I wish I could share it with you, but
         it seems this is not to be, here-now.

5.      Always ever have I known thee,
         and always ever will our loving,
         be  my  verse added to the song.

         Soon, you shall see me with your eyes.
         Soon you shall see the song in mine.
 
6.     You speak of time as an old friend
         one you don't even question.
         Time is only the filter of mind,
         the focus that chains your soul.

         Loose the bonds of the clock!
         Dance with me among the stars!
         The soul knows only the moment
         of what use are seconds to this becoming?

         Lose our self in the loving
         float with the Light within you
         be the sea of moments
         let slip the grip of time.

7.      The pulsation of Creation is within me,
         Listen! It sings within you too.
         The Song continues...

8.      I let my wall down thinking
         I could better see through yours

         I had forgotten that here,
         frozen in this sea of moments,
         two walls are better than one.

9.      Our hearts - linked by a moment
         Soft breaths - exhaled gentle on my chest,
         expand me - remind me that we are one.

         Our hearts - beat out the time of loving
         anchor-less - our soul does not beat,
         but flows with the Wind of Light.

         Again the song of our soul,
         carries me adrift across forever.

10.    I seek ever farther vistas,
         roads I must travel along
         the journey, a joy to my soul
         defines me, exalts me, becomes me

         Sandy ways shift under my footing
         loss a morass at my waist
         loneliness ever my companion
         my eyes ever on the Wondrous Light

11.    What do dryads dream of in the dark of winter?
         The purple leaves, have fallen with the gold,
         [the skies grey and low]
         hoarfrost on the bare branches.

         I wonder...do they
         dream of green buds,
         [new hope - new warmth]
         where now there is only cold?

         I think they dream of the warm thaw of spring,
         [cool dewdrops on grass]
         the loving dance of mottled sunshine,
         that sometimes eases their solitary slumber.

12.    Let me tell you my love, what I saw.
         Not yesterday nor tomorrow, it was just now!
         I saw the girl-child you will have
         She smiled at me, so I blew her the kiss I am saving for you,
         Her doll left behind as she chased me across the field.
         Her feet never left the earth as I soared skyward.
         Eyes bright with forgotten wishing
         waving goodbye to me.
         How like you she is!

13.    I saw your face once, lit up like the sun.
         A smile on your lips as our eyes met.
         The spark and chest leap so familiar to me,
         returned in the gasp of your indrawn breath

14.    You have no idea I am sure
         of the words that died on my lips
         I had not the courage to say them.
         Damn it, here, again my fingers falter!

15.    How to take you from here
         and safely carry us there...
          The path is hard and risky
         but I need your hand to start.

16.    You know how to tempt me!
         Jasmine and fig, date and apricot,
         bitter fruits compared to your lips.

         Draw me to your lingering touch!
         My flesh is for the focus of your will.
         Trill your song upon my body once again.

17.    How to take you from there
         and safely carry us here...
          The path is hard and risky
         made visible by our care.

18.    Jasmine heat-sugar whispers
         slip smoothly across my lips,
         slick with the remembered taste of our loving.

         White honey from fingers and
         your scent fills my nostrils
         as you nibble gently on my lower lip.

         My tongue darting along the teeth edge,
         a moan of pleasure pain escapes me.

         Softly...my Love...softly

19.    Why take you at all?
         I know you are, will-be here...
          The path is hardest and narrow here, where
         invisibly, my care steadies your steps

20.     [laughing]  There are no hiding places in life
         as the Light casts no shadow.

         All hidden things are illuminated.

21.    Illuminated,
         Illumined
         Luminal
 
22.    In my dream I saw a pile of clay urns,
         Tumbled jumbled some intact

         The wind of the evening sunset was cool,
         the sand blew from past me towards them.

         A single page blew out of a ruined urn
         caught against a shard, trapped.

         I knew it mine when I stepped to pick it up
         and many other pages blew away.

         I read the words of our Song of Becoming
         My foot tapping the sand in Time.

23.    It once was almost something
         in that shining way of hope.
         But again I was left with only the feeling
         of trying to hold smoke in my hand.

24.    Half is you, which half is I?
         Dreaming...
         Last night was sweetly cold
         In snowy woods.

25.    There is a word, hidden in my heart
          - the sound of it is the sound of morning's light haloed around your face,
          - the smell of it is the scent of the hollow of your throat,
          - the warmth of it, is the gentle heat left over from your touch.

         It wants to be set free.

26.    Her chest rises and falls with her breath,
         casting shadows across my face
         in the soft morning glow.

         My skin tingles with the light's edge,
         dancing auroras, pins prickling my flesh,
         moving, shifting on my chest.

         In time with her breathing,
         the line burns across my ribs
         the fire of her waking, stalks me.

27.    Star-child you are
         Light among the heavens.
         You know nothing of the trail you leave;
         burning through orbits unseen...

         You but stopped here for a while

28.    From spirit to flesh, from the void to the earth, from Light to Love, this flows, as we do, as our love does. It is not always soul-spirit-love. Sometimes, I want your face in a pillow, screaming my name...

29.    The best of us is where we go when our Soul remembers.
         Sometimes I go there when I feel your spirit near...
         our flesh so far apart....

30.    Duality? Nay, there is only Singularity,
         [a melding of purpose.]
         The Light of our love is not twinned, and never has been.
         There is only one, and all of the heavens
         sing with us as we achieve union.
         Metaphors fail at Singularity.

31.    Better even than virginity freely given,
         is the willingness of total surrender [in your hands].

          [I bow my head]
         You have that from me my love.

32.    My words are worthless glass.
         They are coarse stones in the desert,
         sparkling in reflection of your Light, my love.

         I but uncover them and lift them up to you.
         They are the best that I can find,
         mere baubles that I give to adorn you.

33.    I am but the moon to your sun.
         Sometimes shining bright with you
         sometimes eclipsed by another,
         only to be brought full again when
         the shadow departs.
 
34.    If I had the gift of creation,
         I would create something worthy of you.
         But this is the best I can do, for the now.

35.    Sometimes,
         I want you hovering near,
         loving me with only a little glance
         of dark and alluring eyes.
         A sparkle to remind me
         of the part of us that has no flesh.

36.    Light is our End my Love; Light and the laughter of Him,
         His laughter at our folly, at our pain, and at our Love.
         How small they will seem at the culmination.
         How much greater will they be when we are complete?
         How much more can it be?

         Already it bursts through my skin, a fire from within.

37.    My fingers tremble at the immensity of this. My soul quakes, in memory of what is. How much more will the knowing of what will be change me?

38.    So well do I know thee, heart of my heart - that when I swept past you in the flesh, my hands trembled. With soul quivering, I tested so carefully the Truth of it. [laughing] My fears were as nothing...  Oh! How we meld, when we are together!  [bliss]  How much more complete am I for the knowing of what will be...

39.    When you awaken let it be
         with my thoughts holding yours
         [nest-safe]

         When you awaken let it be
         with my name a whisper in your mind.
         [longing]

         When you awaken let it be
         with the memory of my touch on your skin
         [a soft wave of heat-flush.]
 
40.    Firmly but gently I held you while you slept.
         Secure but not trapped, you lay with me.
         Pressed against me, you warmed me.

         My desire for you
         Never lessened
         As you slept

41.    Why do they walk?
         When I carry them high on my wings,
         they elate.
         Why do they not take wing with me,
         so we can fly higher than I can reach alone?

         I can look up and see it,  there...

         Fly with me?

42.    In the realm of infinite possibilities, all things must exist, this includes souls complete, and souls incomplete. All things possible are extant, through all of time - this, if my fate - is one I accept - perfection - godhood - but forever always - loving without - you...if...

43.    We are Eternal
          - Children of the One True God
          - unworthy of Him in ourselves,
          - we become worthy in our loving.

44.    You will never find anyone who works as hard to earn and keep the privilege of the gift of your heart. I know the worth of you.

         I know what it is to have you, gentle under my hands.

         I know the strength of you, the shining glory of your soul.

         I will work tirelessly, endlessly to earn the task of caring for your heart.

45.    Once you put your forehead to mine.
         We shifted in time, traveled forward and back,
         laying memories like pearls through the rivers of our lifetimes,
         each one a reminder so that we do not despair,
         never forget that we are always - ever One

46.    Where in the heavens do we wander tonight? Shall we swing around the Eagle Nebula and watch stars be born? Or head into the deep, and make some of our own?

47.    Walls up and tripwires set, I extended myself in offering.
         I met only myself coming back at me.

48.    Your embrace is a pain blossom
         That felt so good in my mind
         Skin burn heart flame of becoming
 
49.    Today the rain fell around me but the drops didn't cool my skin
         Ah! The burning!

50.    On the Path to Becoming
         Unity finds so many turns,
         Twists in choices of the heart...

         So many  almosts,  so close,
         my heart aches with memories,
         wounded choices of others...

51.    Looking back to then
         my heart weeps my dear,
         and I see no stars tonight.

         I wish I could reach back in time
         comfort him with the memory
         that I hold so close to me

         the taste of your lips
         the soft caresses of your hand
         your voice, saying  Hey you...

52.    Tears flow in silent sadness,
         the others were so beautiful.

         There is only Unity...

53.    I want to tell you my words
         they are more than I ever dreamed.
         Can you feel them?
 
54.    For just a moment
         I couldn't bear
         the Song of Becoming

         the sun sang it back to me.

         It is a song of joy;
         your laughter echoes
         a counter-point to it.

55.    Softly, gentle thoughts drift
         unspoken across my mind.
         Behind them lies
         a wealth of wonder
         at what you have given me,
         the quiet and sure love
         you share with me.

56.    I accept this, all of it, just as you want it.
         I understand this, my darling and I embrace you, me, we.

         The freedom in this love is unlike anything I imagined.
         When you set free the last of your fears,
         you too, will see how free [we] can be.

57.    We set Time itself aside
         knowing that we are
         Eternal.

58.    Dreaming of you, I know that
         we are and ever will be something.
         I love you.
 
59.    I burn with the itch
         of what shouldn't be spoken.

         My heart knows the warmth
         of the love you've given me.

         Our skin knows the feel
         of what shouldn't be written.

          Yet...

60.    The gods themselves
         would speak of our loving
         except that
         even amongst themselves
         they are shamed by
         their jealousy of me.
         They too,
         long for the sweetness
         of your voice...

61.    In time, we will be
         whatever we dream
         whatever we will
         ourselves to be.

62.    All of my dreams are already true.
         You found me...

63.    I know I am in this world
         for my skin aches for you.
         My eyes dry from staring for a glimpse
         of what was promised them.
         My ears ring with the silence
         of your absence.
         I await the fulfillment of your promises.
         and again I remember that
         waiting is...
 
64.    I have kisses for you,
         small, sweet
         and many of them...

         I wish you could take them from me...

65.    Half-awake, I saw you, there on my bed with a single rose. As my eyes cleared away sleep's fog, you faded from my sight. Perfection lost to me. Once again, my love will not come for me this day.

66.    Tonight I shared your dream,
         your wisp of clothing was lovely,
         and you were very shy because of how thin it was.

         But still, we smiled and walked along the parks edge....

67.    We speak of the same romance.

         I speak of drawing a little world around us,
         isolating us from the rest.
         You speak of carrying me away
         in your essence

         The effect is the same,
         from you, from me,
         there is created a third thing -
         [we]

68.    My peace - my rest
         my guide - my friend
         my partner - my love
         ever - my soul
         ever - my self
 
69.    My heart knows
                   the love you have for me.  
         My skin aches
                   to know your touch. 
         My eyes tear
                   for not seeing you. 
         My mouth waters
                   to [kiss-taste] you. 

70.    I saw your picture today
         with your lips pursed into a small mew,
         and that made all the difference in the world.

71.    Shall I speak of the dreams I have had? Your face was in them.

         Shall I speak of the moments my thoughts turn towards you, where I hope you are well, and wish-dream that the moment is gentle on you?

         Shall I speak of your voice, soft, friendly in my ear?

         Would you remember that I consider you my friend, and that I am glad to have met you, and I know we are not yet done with our friendship or our loving?

         I wait for the next time we will interact, and hope that I might be of some comfort to you, and that I might learn all you have to teach me.

         Would your eyes sparkle with the surety that I have? With the certainty that we have already done this, and so, should not be impeding it needlessly?

         I think perhaps not. If you were not afraid, if you were not uncertain, these words would not have come to my lips today...
 
72.    Knowing we are
         adrift in this time of waiting
         there on the horizon
         I see the glowing of [unity]

         Knowing you need to learn
         that stasis is simply
         the purposeful stunting
         of what should be [free]

         Knowing we are
         but one lesson
         or one span of time
         from the joy of [us]

         I wait for you to [remember]

73.    When we are lovingly together
         there is no separation, only [Unity]
         no me or you just [We].

         Not seeing anything else
         I forgot for a moment
         [Eternity]

         Thank you my love.
         By separating yourself from [us]
         you gave me this chance to remember.

         I see once again
         that we are [One]
         just not [now]

 74.    If that is you, somehow that is I
         Floating together
         things were in the way
         I cleared away those that were mine

         I wonder why you don't
         send us aloft
         once again
         do the things that would clear our way

75.    This morning you roused me
         from gentle dreams and soft sleep.
         [It was] a lovely way
         to start my day
         once [again] more

         To know that there was a moment
         In your morning where
         your mind turned once again
         To me, without rancor
         [what memory did you see?]
         I love thee thee thee
         Thank you

76.    and as the stars rise slowly in the night sky
         the children settle into sleep
         the stress of the day falls away
         as I watch them and quietly weep

         I understand Beloved,

           I understand... 

                                                                                  

 fin...

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