To try to submit, your very being, your mind, heart and soul to someone is a gift beyond any other. To give that, which we have been taught to hold on to, does not come easy. To find that person, the right fit, the right combination, of devotion, trust, control, dominance, and yet the loving heart, and someone who understands what it is you are giving, the cost of it all. The need, the ache, the pain of not giving.
The pain of finding that person, and not yet not be able to truly submit, be it due to distance, family, work,the inability of the other person to take what you offer, or other obstacles is so great, the ache and pain so intense, it is all consuming.
At some point, should the dream, the desire, the need be abandoned? give up what I truly want, what I am inside? Knowing that i will never have what i seek, it is killing me inside.
It is devouring me from the inside out.
