Mystical's blog: "Destined to be alone"

I sit alone, day after day, nite after nite, I see so many in here with with relationships, online and real life and I wonder why I can't find someone who wants me for me? What's wrong with me that I can't get close to anyone? Is it because of my violent past? Not that I haven't had men that haven't wanted to have 1 niters, but that's not me. I ache to feel a man's arms around me, to have him genuinely want to be with me, but it just never happens. I've been alone so long I can't bear it anymore, this doesn't mean I'm going to jump on anyone who wants a 1 niter, it has to have chemistry, has to have meaning. Something I have accepted will never happen to me again. I had my chance in my 20's. He was violent, abuse and cheated on me. Despite all that I fought to save my marriage. I loved him deeply, I've never had that feeling before or after. Unfortunately he didn't want me. Now I have been looking for that love for over 20 years.

If you are lucky enough to have found that kind of love without the abuse, don't ever let it go. I would give anything to feel loved and wanted again. If I am distant, it's because the pain is so deep. If that someone is out there, Lord I pray you let him find his way to me. My life is so empty and sad, I've given up trying, others are so lucky they have there youth and a chance to find happiness. I hope if you read this that you do, don't end up sad, alone and hopeless like I have.