Baby T Reed Rockstar Member's blog: "Depression"

I'm moving to a new house just a few streets down from where I am right now. I have not seen this house yet, but I can tell that it will look better than this one. The guy that owns the house that we are in now is selling it and wants us to move out. I was not too happy when I heard this and I thought that I was gonna scream my head off. But don't worry about me, I will be fine and I will be back here as soon as I can. I luv you all so much! -Tricia

Why is it when something that you are trying your very best to control, comes back to haunt you? Well, Mine surely did one night whe I was asleep. I dreamt that I was in a room and I saw a familiar face from a distance. When I approached him to say Hello, he turned his back on me. That was when my pause started to race, my heart was beating faster than it normally is, and had a hard time breathing. I tried to reach out to whoever I was close to, but they all turned on me. I felt like I was screaming at the top of my lungs and no one even bothered to look down or look in my direction. Till I woke up, with tears in my eyes and my heart still racing a bit from the reaction. That was when I realize, it was just a dream.

Why is it when I thought that everything is going as planned, suddening backfire? I guess that I don't have much to do with it, but deal with it on my own. It hurts to even think of what the people that I'm close to are going to think. They may ask me, What is wrong? At first I may make up an excuse, but then tears will start to fall. Then finally, everything is let loose. All of frustration and my pain is shown. Some may understand, some won't care, and others will get mad and yell at me. I wish I could just run away from my problems, but I can't. So I'm stuck in a world on my own in my own terms. It may seem to be no big deal, but to me.. it is.

Okay, now my doctor puts me on a low dose medication to take once a day. It is called Fluoxetine and it has only 20mg per capsule. So I'm gonna take it for about a month to see how I react to everything that is wrong with me. If it does, then I will stick with it. If not, then my doctor will give me a higher dose or another method. But no matter, I want to try this so that things will get better as days go by.

Last night, my mind was not in the right place. I guess you can say that I woke up in tears. If that's not bad enough, someone keeps on crossing my mind the past few weeks. *Sighs* Jonathan, you are the very center of my soul tormenting me. I'm haunted by your sweet voice that always keeps me awake. I feel like it was Deja Vu all over again when I heard your reason for breaking up with me. But what can I say? I drove myself to tears. But then that one thought made me snap out of it. I knew that you were not leaving me to go back to someone else, but I understand just how you feel and I agree. But at the present time, I cannot help myself from crying these painful tears. But I will do whatever you ask of me. Please don't forget about me nor turn your back on me. You are all that I got, and that is something that I have to face. And belive me when I say this, no one will ever take your place, because you will always be in my heart.