Seems lately all I do is think. It's like my brain is stuck in the on mode continually. It's racing and none of the thoughts are good. They're all sad, angry, distraught, and basically just a big cluttered mess.
I don't know if all the bad out weighs the good so that's what I'm thinking about or what. I could write a book on all the crap that's gone on in my immediate family from 1994 up till now.
It just seems like a long downhill slide. There have been a few bright spots here and there, but it's like a snowball effect. Once one thing happens 10 more things come at you and at present, I can't stay on top of them.
I guess this comes about with a phone call I got last night from my ma. She proceeds to tell me that my cousin fell picking up her son and hurt her leg to which she was in need of surgery. This wouldn't be a big deal for most and the fact that she's 26 would be a big help. That would and should be the case, but she had bone cancer when she was 16 and has (Thank God not had it come back. She fought it, and won. Her leg though was damaged, though with a bunch of surgeries later her leg was fully fuctional. Now that this fall took place they found an infection in it and had to remove some of the bone and the prosthesis that was place in there before. This means more than likely she won't be able to bend her leg again. while we're relieved it's not cancer and she will be too(she doesn't know that's the prognosis yet) it will still be devastaing for her.
It's just heartbreaking none the less cause you'd have thought she had her life changing event occur already and not have to go through another one.
My head is just spinning with everything imaginable right now. I know there's no point in worrying cause what does worrying get you? What's gonna happen is gonna happen and you can't change that at least not in this case. I worry way too much and it doesn't get me anywhere, but stressed, worn out and upset.
I guess the only thing that seems to help me is church. It's sounds weird I'm sure, but it's really the only place I feel calm and my mind settles.
I know life is life and it's crazy and can turn upside down in an instant no matter how much you try to stop it. Unfortunately, things you don't want to happen will and you can't stop it, especially if it's something out of your reach.
A good friend of mine who has seen me through bad times especially my own medical issues, told me just to put it in God's hands and it'll take care of itself. That's the hardest thing to do.
As for me stopping the worrying, LOL , well that won't happen, not completely, but maybe with a little help and prayer some things that we think are out of reach, maybe we change them.
