Death Blog by Budding Flower
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Budding Flower's blog: "Death"

created on 03/24/2009  |  http://fubar.com/death/b287074

Pain

I feel very compelled to tell you that I feel your pain. Not like others say they do but in the same way with different details. Society only grieves with us for about a week. They then give "us" about another week or two maybe. At this point all is expected to return back to normal. They however fail to realize that we didn't just lose our life partner and part of our soul, but who we were died with them. Every plan, goal and dream included went into the ground as they did. We have to start over and find the "me" without the "us" the whole time having no desire to do so. Nobody unless they have been where we are can fully understand it. They think their words of comfort and encouragement will fix it. In reality all we need is to be held and rocked. No resolutions offered just let us pour out our soul and listen. Let use share memories to give our soul confirmation that we have not lost the only thing we have left of them, their memory. You are not gone until forgotten. Our biggest fear is they will be forgotten. The very thing that others tell us to do (let go move on) is the one thing we feel guilty for doing. If we begin to consider moving on we feel guilty for wanting to love another. We feel like we are cheating on them, well their love. We are wounded, and as a deep wound it takes time to heal and scar. Like a wound we scab over thinking yes we are on the mend, then we catch that scab on something pulling it off without warning and we are bleeding all over again. Except for now that support system that was there when we received the wound is none the wiser and so through it we must travel alone. This is one of those kinds of hurt that someone just has to see and let us lean on them. We are crying out but only to fall on deaf ears.
Wait, listen, can you here that? There it is again! Somebody screaming so loud they are not heard. When the soul aches so deep that it screams out in pain it usually falls on deaf ears. The kind of emptiness that one feels when they have no one to turn to. Hold on before you say something like well she should have known I would have been there for her. All she had to of done was to ask. Not to say that one should feel bad if they didn't have a relationship with them in that way. But do take a moment to stop and check, is there somebody in your life that if they were hurting you would see it. No I mean really think that though. We all would like to pride ourselves in our level of relationship power. But if we are really honest with ourselves we are just giving polite lip service. So would you see the hurt and then would you know what to do or how to help them? If we were true to what we give our high level of friendship credit for should they really need to ask? Ultimitly we are never alone and always have God to turn to. Because we are of humanistic design we all fall short of the strength to always take enough comfort in the above knowledge. There for we need to ensure that we are the somebody in somebody elses world that can be there for them before they even know yet that they need you. To wake up one morning to realize you have no other human in your world that can be there for you on that level is a reality I pray to spare others of.
aT The Moment oF Death Category: Romance and Relationships He cried out my name, "Vicky" I reached and grabbed his hand. As he looked me deeply in the eyes for the last time, I told him "Bye baby I Love You" then watched his soul leave his body. A lite golden haze covered this half of the bedroom as God came to retrieve what was already his. His body, the shell of a human just laid there. I instantly detached emotionally from it, for I had just watched him leave it. Some would ask, you mean he looked so peaceful? I'm saying NO! It laid there like a broken egg shell. Once the egg is gone the shell holds no purpose. The peace was mine as he and God stayed with me, totally surrounding me with in them. A level of peace I have never known was now engulfing me. I was touching and being touched by them, breathing them in through the gold haze that held them. Knowing without a doubt that he had not died again, but that he merely was no longer a part of this earthly realm. God in all of his emphamis wisdom in preparing me for the tasks that lay before me, Filled me with love, relief, joy, contentment, happiness, and peace. Not just for a brief moment, where as one could wonder later if this event truly took place or not, but for the amount of time that embedded it permanently in my heart, mind, soul, and spirit. Wil', your love is like a tattoo on my heart I will always have you with me. God's Wil' for my life I loved you before I even knew you and will love you always and forever! Your Wife (Baby you didn't die alone) In Loving Memory Donald LeRoy Williams Jr March 20, 1964 May 31, 2007
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