this is a piece that I wrote..in the summer while in Hermosa Beach..a friend of mine read it and responded..feel free to do the same
AWOL:
Dear Love,
This letter is long overdue. There area a few things I need to get off my chest. There is so much about you that i realize I may never understand. So much that, I cant find my way. I have done all you asked of me and i am no better off than i was before. Tell me, what have I not done? Was there more I couldve done? Where did I go wrong in your eyes? I feel like i am at a dead end road and my car wont go into fuckin reverse. All I can do is continue to love myself but when will you love me? When will you come and comfort me thru the night? When will you wipe away my tears? Dont get me wrong, I am not upset with you. I just dont understand. Maybe i am not suppose to. You know, thats fine. But my heart is hurting and I am losing the ability to keep up with you any longer. I have reached my breaking point and you are not here to help. This is a battle I no longer have the energy to fight. I finally realized you are what's missing in my life. You are the last piece to this complicated puzzle called my life. But the last piece is no where to be found. You know what, Im not waiting any more.I am not searching anymore. People say you shouldnt search to begin with just let it come to you. well good luck finding me. I have stared into your angels eyes, witnessed their beauty, and thought they would see my love's truth and return it unconditionally. Well as you can tell that has failed. I am now giving up this fight. Before I go, I just wanted to take the time to say thank you for touching me. Thank you for showing me all these wonderful women and allowing them, in there own ways, to touch my life and bring me joy. It is thru them, I have learned the most about your ways. I have witnessed their battle with you and I have stood by their side when you were absent. I will always remeber them. I will always cherish those times. But now its time for me to end all of this between you and I. I simply dont have the energy any longer. I dont know how to continue any more. More imprtantly I dont want to continue on like this anymore.I will leave you in the arms of those who truely want to be apart of your world. It isnt fair for me to continue to represent you, when i no longer believe in you. I am not strong enough to go thru the heartbreak "just one more time." Thinking maybe the next time I will find that one who will simply get me, with out the battle. But over and over you have to deal with them not wanting you the way you want them or them not wanting that from you. I cannot waste my last bit of energy on those people or you. I must save that for my friends, family and my life. I cannot subject my heart to this wrath any longer. I hope you can understand why I am making this choice. I am not quiting. I am chosing to be alone. The only I love I will allow myself to have is that of my family and true friends. I plan to adopt a child to love and to give back the unconditional love i was shown as a child by my adopted parents. But as far as you and relationships, your ways are too hard. So before i let you go, i thank you again. I beg you to be gentle to those who follow you unconditionally. Be kind to their souls and continue to bless those who believe. With that I bid you farewell. Sincerely,
A Love Lost
AmorDvino:
My Dearest Love, I regret to inform you that you may never be able to understand me or the actions i take. Do i put you in a sea of confusion? Please don't tell me that i do... all the things you've done for me, is very much appreciated. I'm sorry that sometimes i may seem selfish, and you may think that you don't matter to me. Well that's not true... always know that i'm yours and that i'm here for you.
I've always loved you and still do till this day. Please tell me you believe me, 'cuz if you don't i'll just be on my way... To leave an open road for you, so that another love may enter your life, to treat you and give you the love that you deserve, that you've so long fought for to keep alive..
I don't want to think about all that, i don't even want it crossing through your mind. I just want you to tell me you still love me and we can still hold each other throughout the cold winter's night. I'm sorry for putting you through so much pain and confusion. I'd like to take it all back, if i could. I no longer want you to fight a battle that, in this case no one will win.
Please don't tell me you no longer in believe in me, don't tell me this... that you want to end it between you and I. I admit my actions or lack thereof have put this relationship on a balance in which... my scale is the losing side.
There's no need for you to search at all love... let alone anymore. I'm here. I have changed, this time apart from you has truly showed me that i need you in my life, you're my missing piece of the puzzle. We complete each other... please give me another opportunity, so that i may show you how much i love you and appreciate you and for all the things you do, for me... for us.
As for your future plan in adopting a child... allow me to be a part of that. Let me be involved in your life and that of your childs'. I just need one more chance to prove my love to you... can we go back to the day to the day when our love was strong??
Yours Always n' Forever,
Your Dearest Love...
