Dear Dr. Rob,
I am confused maybe you can help me with this. Recently my ex-boyfriend broke up with me. We met when my previous boyfriend and I broke up two years ago, and he was one of the few male friends I could count on. About a month and a half ago we decided that we wanted to be more than just friends and started dating exclusively.
Both he and I knew what we were getting ourselves into as far as our issues. I put my cards on the table and told him that if I got wind of he doing anything stupid IE cheating or using illegal substances it would be over, I did not want to deal with any of that. My only request was that if he made plans with me or if something came up that he let me know so I wouldn't be wasting my time waiting, worrying or anything else.
Well the problem started last weekend. It was his birthday and he had to work so I told him that hopefully I would see him at some point to give him his gifts and take him out to dinner or lunch or something. He then told me that he was working all weekend and it would have to been sometime later. I said OK and left it at that.
I sent him a text on Saturday morning asking how work was going and I was surprised to hear that he didn't in fact have to work. He was actually at home cleaning, and was going to go out with his parents that night. I told him to party hearty and have fun and went about my day. I had a family birthday myself to go to that night and errands to run anyways.
On Sunday I sent him a message asking how his night went and didn't hear anything which was odd because usually I hear right back. So a few hours later I sent him another message and still didn't hear anything. At this point I was miffed that I wasn't hearing anything but also kind of worried as it was a holiday weekend and while he doesn't drink and drive it doesn't mean other people don't.
Monday came and went and when I STILL hadn't hear anything I was worried. I kept going back and forth in my head "Hes OK, probably went out of town or something. What if something did happen to him? Nothing you can do if something did. Well just send him another message" and I did. When I hadn't heard anything back by 11pm I called and said "Hey just wondering whats going on. I haven't heard anything and I just wanted to make sure you're OK. My phone is on so please let me know."
I went to work on Tuesday and still didn't hear a thing. I started wondering if I had done something to tick him off or maybe there really was something wrong because like I said I usually hear back pretty quickly after I send a message.
Finally around 8:30 I got a text back saying i was paranoid he's fine he was out of town and didn't have his phone and it was over.
So my question is, was I wrong to care? Had it been any one of my other friends I would have called until I heard back, mainly because I am worrier by nature and they all know this about me as does he. I feel that when I am aloof it doesn't work when I show care it I'm STILL wrong! I know I shouldn't have texted as much as I did over the weekend. But having recently been in an accident that totaled my car and sent me to the hospital two weeks ago and seeing someone die in a freak accident the previous week, I was really truly worried. I was having a Dawn moment, sue me. Also it wasn't like I texted him all day everyday before this weekend asking are you OK over and over.
It's over and today is the one day that I am allowing myself to dwell on this. I didn't and wont cry over him. It isn't worth the effort. There will be others/ But yet again he has succeeded in confusing me by sending me yet another text message, I waited a couple of hours and sent him one back and asking what he wanted and never heard back. What do you think? Was I wrong to care? I appreciate your views thanks!
~D in Sacramento
