LezlieMark's blog: "dear dad..."

i cant believe this I went out with Bryant and two of his friends from woodburn. We went to SMACKDOWN & ECW. Well while we were walking around trying to find our section. My dad walked by. And I looked at him and said "dad" quiet then i saw threw the old age and saw the young dad i use to have and I said DAD louder. He looked at me as if he didn't know who I was. Then PJ, his girlfriend, said hey Leslie and then thats when my dad hugged me and asked me how I was doing. "I didn't know you liked wrestling?" he said to me. That hurt alot when he said that, since he would dress me up in my cowboy out fit and we'd sit in the living room and watch wrestling every night. He would have to record it just so I could fall asleep watching it. Anyways we were in the section about him and all i had to do was turn to my right and look down and I saw him, PJ, and a little boy (i have no idea who he was). The little boy had my dads cowboy hat on and sitting on his lap, like i use too. I know i've said i hate my father, i have every right to hate my father for the pain he put me threw, but treatin some boy the same way as he to his little girl. The little girl that he would take everywhere with him. The little girl that has grown up to hate him. I have alot of reasons why to love my father, but then again... when i was in the fifth grade i went to his house before school and told him i was comming over on my way home from school. I was so excited to go see him because it was his weekend with me... we were going to go to the zoo and see a movie. And I walked on the porch and the neighbor walked out and said "your dad left these toys for you, he moved out today." There was a letter on the box of toys that read "Me and my new wife are moving out of state. here is five dollars for a movie" It took him 6months to call us to tell us that he was in Texas an that he misses us. When really I could tell by the tone in his voice he didnt. It hurted me alot an I was going to forgive him. But, after his new wife dyed of cancer he came back to fort wayne, my mom and us girls went to go picked him up. He said hello to my sister and hugged her, I was just another person in the back seat that he didn't even recognized. It tooked him until the next day to finally ask about me. Yeah.... He stayed with us nd we barely talked... he moved out with a girl he met at a gas station. They live in newhaven which is like 10minutes away. He only picks up the phone once a month and didn't even ask for me, just my sister. On the holidays we get to see him for bout 5minutes then he has to leave to spend time with PJ's family. Which he lives with 24/7. I haven't seen my dad in 2years for more then 15minutes... When we see each other for a few minutes all he talks about is how he don't have money and blah blah blah!! ITS BULL SHIT... I FUCKEN HATE HIM AND AFTER LAST NIGHT SEEING HIM SO HAPPY WITH HIS "NEW FAMILY" THERE IS NO WAY I CAN FORGIVE HIM!!! I've wrote these a while back, but i still feel this way!!

Dear sprem giver, I am glad that you don't want your two beautiful girls in your life. I don't understand why you don't want us. We loved when we were younger. But when you left me at the age of 9years old I started to hate you. Everyone told me to forgive you and that you would come back relizing what you have lost. But they are all wrong. I knew the day you left you didn't really want us. I would of understand if you and my MOTHER weren't married. It would of been hard, but not has much pain as I am in right now. Its hard not having my dad, I was always your little girl. But I grew up and mature that not all men are like you, you were just a drunk druggie. I am so against all the wrong you did, and i will never treat my children like you did/do. I won't even treat my husband like you treated mom. I could never hurt anyone as much has you hurt me. I still cry my self to sleep at night sometimes because I kinda miss you. But I know you won't come back, and if you tried I wouldn't want you to. I can't wait until you sign the papers saying we aren't your kids anymore. I can't wait until that day comes because then I know that I am not wrong when I say, "I hate that man!" I haven't needed you in the last past 10years and I will never need you again. Not after what you put me through. Please never come back saying Sorry, there is no way I can forgive.