8222354's blog: "Dear Baby"

Dear baby,

  i WROTE THIS DECEMBER 2005, TO RICKY BEFORE HE WAS BORN

MY SON BIRTHDAY IS COMMING UP ON THE 13TH AND I THOUGHT I WOULD SHARED THIS WITH YA... HOPE ALL ENJOY IT

You don't know me but yet I am your mother. You have been growing inside me for the passed 19 weeks. In a A month I will get the chance to find out if you are a boy or a girl. Though I really hope you are a boy, But if you were a girl I would love you the same. Not sure if you will ever get to read this. But, I am writing because I had the need to write. I still have about 5 months until you are born. I am very much looking forward to the day when I'll be able to hold you in my arms. At times I can feel you move in my stomach and  when you kicked I always jump a little, wished you could warn me some how so I wouldnt jump. But I know that's impossible. The other day it came to me that I will now be a mother for the rest of my life, what a hard concept to grasp. Now that I will be a mother I am worried. What happens if I dont have what it take to be a good mother? What happens if I raise you the wrong way? What happens if you have some birth defect that i am not sure I can handle. I guess this is normal for a mother to wonder and worry. But, these kind of things drive me nuts! Do other mothers to be think the same the way or am i the crazy one. My mother, your grandmother says she knows what I am going through. Hard to believe that I once was as little and in the same place you were in my mothers stomach. WOW look at that don't know each other and won't for another 5 months but we already have something in common. I often wonder do babies get board in the mothers stomach. I mean to bad we couldnt just swallow a ball or something so you would have something to play with. Now I know why you will do so much kicking, only EXCITEMENT you have. Boy and I thought I had a boring life. You know you are going to be a very lucky baby. There are going to be lots of people in you life that will love you and take care of you. But there are 2 important people that will be in  in your life. One person you will meet is my mother. That will be your grandmother. Now my mother and I haven't always gotten along, but I think since I moved to New Hampshire, our relationship has become a lot better. It's like we have become friends rather than enemies like in the past. I must warn you though she is the mushy type and she cry's when she is happy, sad, glad, or mad. People say I am like her in many way but I just don't see it. Or maybe I don't wanna see it. The next person you will meet my daddyd Ken. He will be you grandfather.  That reminds me, your daddy is a guy that I really love, love him more than I ever loved before. There's not a day that goes by that I do not think of him. But see I did something I regret in a way. I knew you daddy was getting married but I still wanted to be with him. I got him and we made you. what I regret is because he has "married life" I often wonder if he going to be the daddy I want him to be. It bothers me cause I don't want you to feel like I did growing up without one. Theres one other thing that concern me, you see your daddy and is alcoholics and the statistics say that you could become one too. Though I don't wish that opon you. would kill me to see you go though that. I pray and hope to god that you don't become one. Plus I have ADHD been no to be passed around in my family, your grandmother had it and I have it. Hope you get it, its really hard to deal with, and you may have to be taught things in a different ways like I had too. not sure what else to say but I had to write to you to get out my feelings and concerns.

Love your Mother,  Shaylyn Silvia