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day24

Day 24- A letter to your parents
my parents forever have been divorced so it wouldn't be right to only type out one letter...

 

 

 

DAD:: firstly, i hate you because you gave me your ass, which is flat as a fucking pancake. i hate you because you left us, &you never  came back for me. i hate you because when i was younger you took me on adventures, you showed me the entire WORLD &now its defiantly not like that, ignorace is bliss- therefore i wish that never ever happened. i hate you because BEFORE you left us you had another girlfriend, then you got married, and had another daughter. i hate you so much because you named her "kelsey nicole", my mother swears to me that was her named she picked out for me but papaw lee passed the day mom gave birth so TADA "kylee michelle". its like you literally replaced me. you give kelsey everything i ever wanted, and needed, same with my step mother. i know i should be happy for them, but i am not, you was MY dad first, so i should have gotten everything kelsey has first. i have never ever had a fatherly figure, and thats the reason my therapist says i fuck thirty something year old men, thanks dad, youre the best!! :) HAH! also why i have a drinking problem, something about it runs in my blood? you fucking alcoholic, you. you have ruined my life, i wish you never had ever met my mother. though you did give me something i loved so much, when you actually got me for the weekends, you'd send me to my most favorite person in the world: mamaw johnson <3 i genuinally thank you so much for that, she taught me so much, and showed me so much. she was just a wonderful woman, i love her dearly still. i was truely blessed to be raised by her, i don't know what kind of person i would be if i never had her in my presents. MOM:: firstly, i love you because you gave me a face that just won't quit. youre beautiful, i'm beautiful- so thank you! my first memories i have of you though are making me exercise in the blistering cold, i remember my throat burning for weeks at a time because i had to breathe in freezing air for hours at a time. you'd always make me walk up and down the road, and tell me, "if you would just quit eating you wouldnt have to walk so much" i remember beatings if i didnt drink DIET coke, i remember you screaming at me every single morning until i was like 11/12ish because i had accidents every night, i remember you always being drunk, and smoking too much, i remember you making me count calories, and having weight ins every single monday, wednesday, and friday. i remember you yelling and beating me if the number wouldn't go down. i remember being in the corner forever when i was a "bad girl" i remember always getting in trouble and brother &sister never getting in trouble. i remember you slapping me in the face, and pulling my hair, and punching me in the arms. i remember you telling me how i never was going to have friends or boyfriends because i was ugly and fat. and telling me how i was going to blow up. you fucked me up so bad, you do not understand how fucked up my head is now. i know somethings wrong with me, i've known since the 5th fucking grade, but you've never let me go see anyone about it because you knew you'd get in trouble with the way you always treated me, you always knew you wasn't treating me right, and im sure you knew you was fucking up my head just like YOUR mother did to you. (thankfully i'm 18 now, &deal with my own doctors) but mother dearest, you have made my life a living hell, i can not stand to be around you, when you walk in a room i still tence up, i am always afraid of what to say around you, i still feel like i can't eat or drink anything around you, i feel like a failure around you, i am always done up around you, because i want you to know im not ugly, but still no matter what i love you so much, with all my fucking heart i love you so god damn much, and never ever will i figure out why, you have honestly put me through hell and back and i'd still pick your life over mine.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

i am so fucked up, someone can come and fix me now, please.

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