"Day In The Life Of.. ME"
It was Sunday morning, opening up my sleepy eyes I tried to focus on the alarm clock. WHAT, IT’S ONLY 7:30. I thought to myself, on a day I get to sleep in I am up this early, so I turned over and thought I would try to go back to sleep. Pretty much an impossible task. Rollin myself out of bed I took a peak out the bed room window. The clouds had taking over the sky and I could see the rain drops hitting the window, UGHHHHHH, I thought another good reason to go back to sleep. But then THAT sudden urge hit me, rolling my eyes I stumble to the bathroom, flip the light on, I was instantly blinded.
After doing my daily morning ritual I looked in the mirror and noticed the dark sagging circles under my eyes, the dried slobber on my cheek and I think I even saw the rat that used my hair as a nest. I moved closer to the mirror, opening my mouth to check out the pearly whites and at that minute I about fell over dead!! It’s no wonder I wake up alone every morning. FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD NO ONES BREATH SHOULD BE THAT BAD. I grabbed my toothbrush and put a half tube of close up on it. Scrubbing my teeth, gums and tongue like it was my last brushing.
I walked to the kitchen and threw a glass of water in the microwave for some tea. All the sudden I hear this God awful scream. My heart about jumped put of my chest. Making a GRRRRR sound I stomped into the sun room and demanded to know what all the racket was about. There set the 2 most beautiful daughters in the world. “HI MOMMY” they said. I was horrified and what I was looking at. Bethany who was 12 had decided she was going to put make up on Emily who was 10. All I could think of was, WHO TOOK MY DAUGHTER AND REPLACES HER WITH A HOOKER!!. Not the mention there was dirty cereal bowls, milk glasses and toast crumbs on the floor. Okay keep your cool, you can do it I know you can, smiling I looked at them and said “good morning my little darlings, NOW GET THIS ROOM CLEANED UP”.. Thinking I handled myself well I walked back into the kitchen
Sitting at the table I start to day dream about life. How a sexy, rich and romantic man is going to come sweep me off my feet. I notice something was getting hot on my chest. OMG I am spilling my tea down my flannel nighty. Geeez I can’t even have a good daydream anymore.
Looking at the clock it said 10:00. Guess it is time to get dresses. Looking in my closet I had to decide what to put on. Always hard decisions for a woman yea know. Holding up a pair of blue jeans I thought naaaaa and grabbed my sweats instead, now for the shirt. An old stained up sweat shirt seemed to be calling my name so I thought oh what the heck its Sunday no one comes to visit on Sunday, so I threw it on over my head.
WHOAAAAAAA there was that shriek again coming from the sun room. I calmly walked back in the room and said “is there a problem in here”? OH NOOOOOO!!. The brush was stuck in Emily’s hair. “HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE THE ROUND BRUSHES ON YOUR SISTERS HAIR” I screamed.For the next 2 hours we sat at the table yanking her hair from the hair brush hearing “ MOMMY, THAT HURTS”. I know that neighbors thought I was killing her. I still blame the chain smoking on that hair incident.
Looking around the house I tried to decide what I was going to do first, the dished that where hitting the ceiling, do the dirty laundry that was scattered all over the floor or pick up the clean laundry that was scattered all over the floor. Unfortunately, it didn’t matter its not like one or the other was going to do its self, it would still be there waiting for me.
Just as I got my hands full of laundry the phone rang, so I dropped it back on the floor and ran for the phone stubbing my toe along the way... Out of breath I said hello, on the other end I heard a voice say “hello this is Mrs. Stanford from phones’R’us, I was wondering if you have a few seconds to hear about our new phone service”. You can’t be serious, I thought Sundays where a day of rest, do these telemarketers ever sleep? So I politely said NO. And hung up.
Oh man, what was I doing before I was so rudely interrupted by the phone. OH YEA the laundry. Picking it back up I headed to the living room to park my toosh on the couch to fold it.
It was now noon and the kids where shriveling up to nothing from starvation. Throwing a frozen pizza in the stove I thought I have a few minutes till it’s done. Grabbing the sweeper and started in the bedroom thinking I will work my way to the kitchen... COUGH. The sweeper bag just exploded all over the room and my lungs now look like a sweeper filter. AAAAAA-CHEW. “UMMM MOM.. THE KITCHEN IS FULL OF SMOKE” Bethany yelled, ohhh man, the pizza. Prying the now black cardboard looking thing off the oven rack it crumbled all over the floor. Good thing I haven’t swept in there yet.
Going back into the living room to rest for a few I flipping the TV on and found the Dallas game, WOO HOO GO COWBOYS!!!! Okay just picture this people, me sitting on the couch with dirt hanging from my nose hairs (from the sweeper bag blowing up), crusty black pizza under my nails, watching a Dallas Cowboy game, eating bon bon’s being a chain smoker, nice huh.
Okay the count down is on, its 8:00. One hour till the kids go to bed. “Girl’s, time to get your showers” I yelled. Emily was first, singing at the top of her lungs the whole time she was in there, not to mention the same song over and over again. About 30 minutes later Bethany stumbled into the bathroom with her I am the queen attitude plugging in her radio all of the sudden the windows where shaking to the beat of her music, WHERE IN THE WORLD SHE THINK SHE IS, THE DISCO. Ripping the plug from that wall I gave her THAT look, she knew better than to say anything back to me.
Now what, it’s that scream again coming from the bathroom. There stands Bethany with a half bottle of shampoo in her hair and out of hot water. She was crying, I was laughing. We turned off the water for a few minutes and had a mother to daughter talk till the water warmed up. Finally they were both clean and in their night gowns.
After getting they tucked in, reading the nightly bed time stories, giving hugs and kisses I walked downstairs. Thinking to myself what do I do first, the dishes that where still touching the ceiling, washing the dirty laundry that was still on the floor or picking up the clean laundry that was still on the floor? None of it sounded real fun so I turned out the lights and climbed in my bed, tucked the covers under my chin and opened my book,
After all the work will still be there in the morning.
