10 Commandments for Dating – for Men
1 ) Thou shalt think quality, not quantity!
It is best to take your time and focus on finding the right women for you, not on dating as many hotties as you possibly can. Your membership will be much more valuable to you if you use it to find your life partner, rather than to facilitate rabid serial dating. Word about that will spread, and women will not want to date you.
2 ) Thou shalt call a lady within 48 hours on a weekday or 72 hours on a weekend or holiday once you get her number.
The sooner, the better, as she'll be expecting your call. If you don't connect on the first try, be sure to leave her one or more telephone numbers at which she can reach you. If you don't hear back from her within 48 hours on a week day, or 72 hours on a weekend. Never ask a woman out on a first date via e-mail. Remember women are auditory and fall in love "through their ears." A woman will bond with you more quickly if she can hear your voice.
3 ) Thou shalt not call a lady after 10:00 p.m., her time.
Until you have spoken a few times, met, and established some sort of rapport, calling too late at the beginning of a potential relationship is presumptuous and rude.
4 ) Thou shalt leave a maximum of two phone messages for a woman.
If she doesn't call you back within 48 hours on a weekday or 72 hours on a weekend or holiday, she's not interested. Don't take it personally; just move on. But always remember: There are a lot more yachts in the marina.
5 ) Thou shalt make appropriate arrangements, and not ask a woman out at the last minute
Make the first date at least a week in advance, then call her on the morning of the date before 12 noon to confirm. Feel free to call every few days before that, however, just to let her know you're thinking about her and are excited about your date. Women love to fantasize about their date and about what they're going to wear. They make appointments to get their hair and nails done. If you ask them out at the last minute, you've taken away the joy of anticipation for the woman. Women generally make their plans from Monday through Wednesday for the following weekend, so if you call on Thursday or later to ask her out for the weekend, understand that she has probably already made plans and will not be available, except perhaps, for brunch. You also might get a Monday night date which means you are on her low priority list simply because you did not ask her out in advance. For your first date you must always ask to pick her up for dinner and take her to a five star restaurant. Because you might be dating a younger woman than yourself you are expected to teach her the finer things that life has to offer. Don't be offended if she suggests lunch, brunch, drinks or coffee instead of dinner for the first date (only she can suggest this for the first date, however, you must always offer her a 5 star dinner) after all; she hasn't met you yet and doesn't know how wonderful you are.
6 ) Thou shalt always have a plan for your date.
Women prefer men who have direction. When you make your initial phone call, try to develop rapport with the woman and gather information about her likes and dislikes. Conversations should always be a tennis match of back and forth. Do not interrogate your potential date about her physical looks or age on the phone or in person If you want to make a great first impression, suggest her favorite restaurant or a restaurant she has always wanted to try. Never show up with the question "What do you want to do?" This shows that you do not cherish her feelings, and that she is not a priority in your life. If necessary, also make the appropriate transportation arrangements. Always go to her side of town either pick her up, send a car for her, or drive/fly into her city. You must go to her, for the following reasons: 1) The woman needs to feel safe in her own environment. 2) If you fly her in on a first date and neither of you feel chemistry, most likely you will be stuck with an unwelcome guest for the weekend. If, after the first date you both feel chemistry and you would like her to visit you, you can fly her in but you must put her up at a five-star hotel with her own room. Finally, plan to pay for her valet parking if you have arrived in separate cars, or pay for her taxi. If you are invited with another couple to dinner, be prepared to pick up the entire check. You will come off looking like a prince to your date and her friends.
7 ) Thou shalt focus on your date and keep the conversation appropriate.
Start the date with a heartfelt compliment on her appearance, such as "You look really beautiful tonight!" Look into her eyes with a smile -- eye contact is extremely important, and then lead the discussion into areas of common interest --- travel, sports, work, arts, etc. Try to stay on relatively neutral subjects at the outset. Please turn your cell phone off at all times unless you are a doctor on call or you have children that may need to get in touch with you in case of an emergency. If you are waiting on an important call that needs your utmost attention please put your phone on vibrate, let your date know what is going on and then excuse yourself for a short period of time to take the call. If you answer the phone during the course of the meal you will come off as a rude and callous man who is only interested in himself. DO NOT pay attention to other women, or keep looking at the door for the latest attraction. If she sees you behave like this, no matter how good looking, wealthy, and smart you are, she will not want to see you again. Also, do not ask her why she is still single or hasn't yet found a husband. This is an extremely awkward question, and is a quick turnoff to most women. Please remember that emotionally healthy women fall in love with men that fall in love with them.
8 ) Thou shalt ask a woman thoughtful questions.
This indicates you are genuinely interested in her. Topics may include light questions about her family, where she grew up, etc. A good conversation should be like a tennis match, with lots of back and forth volleys. Do your best to keep up the witty repartee. Also, remember to keep away from controversial topics, including family troubles, religion, politics and your own emotional baggage. Never bring up the ex. If your date asks, simply say it didn't work out and change the subject. Remember: she's not your therapist! These types of conversations convince your date that you have unresolved issues with your ex, and that you are irreparably damaged indicating that you are not ready for a relationship.
9 ) Thou shalt not drink too much.
Although it is certainly tempting, it will cloud your judgment, and will probably give your date a negative impression of you. It also might impede your ability to drive her home. Remember to keep it to a 2-drink maximum, even if you can hold a larger amount of liquor.
10 ) Thou shalt not brag or discuss other women
Don't brag about your accomplishments, career successes or prized possessions, no matter how deservedly proud you may feel. And definitely do not talk about other women. You wouldn?t want to hear about other desirable men she has in her life, would you? Word spreads quickly, and if you get a reputation for discussing other women in the club and your relationship with them, fewer women will want to date you.
10 Commandments for Dating – for Women
1 ) Thou shalt return calls promptly.
It's important to return a gentleman?s telephone call within 48 hours on weekdays, or within 72 hours on weekends or holidays. Busy men become perturbed if they don't hear back from you within that time frame. They will lose interest in you and move on to the next girl if you do not return their calls in a timely fashion.
2 ) Thou shalt honor thy dating commitments. When a man calls you, he will offer you dinner, but you have the right to reduce the date to drinks, lunch, brunch, coffee, etc. If a gentleman does not offer you a five-star dinner on the first date, please notify the club immediately. You can say, "I will get back to you once I know my schedule." However, If you suggest less than dinner, that sends the clear message that you are auditioning him and you don't have time to share an entire meal with him. If you are marriage minded, know that this will turn off monogamous men. Please do not make other plans immediately following the date. He will notice if you are constantly looking at your watch, and he will be unimpressed. It's important to remember that even if your date is not your dream guy, you are gathering information and experience, called Dating Data, that you will use on future dates with someone more to your liking.
3 ) Thou shalt let the man take the lead and shalt avoid bringing personal baggage to the table.
Let the man lead by suggesting a restaurant and making plans for the first date, but let him know in a gracious manner, if you would rather go to another establishment or do something else. If, after you meet him on the first date and you really like him and you both feel chemistry, he can offer to fly you to his city and you may accept. Politely but firmly tell him that you would love to go, but you don't feel comfortable staying at his home yet, so you would like him to book you a hotel room, at least until you feel you know each other better and are in an exclusive, committed relationship.In the beginning, it is best not to bring up any of your deep personal issues; he's not your therapist (and you're not his). This often happens with when excessive alcohol and/or chemistry are present. Deep, personal history is simply too much intimate information for him to process in the beginning. If you want to be in a healthy, loving, committed relationship it is important to let the man lead the conversation in the beginning and ask the questions. Acquire all the information you can about him. The conversation should become a ping-pong match, with the gentleman serving and you responding with information about yourself when he asks.
4 ) Thou shalt not, under any circumstances, any other romantic relationships.
Men don't want to hear about their competition just as you don't want to hear about yours. Focus on the date at hand. Men want to date trustworthy women in whom they can confide.
5 ) Thou shalt be engaging.
Respond to his questions with positive energy and enthusiasm, and stay on neutral subjects like the arts and current events in the beginning. Witty banter is very important. Ask interesting questions, be a good listener as well as an active participant, and get to know him. Eye contact is important, too --- let him look into those baby blues, big browns or gorgeous greens and make sure you look into his.
6 ) Thou shalt not drink too much on the first date.
Although it may be very tempting, in order to relax, drinking more than two alcoholic beverages could cloud your judgment. Stay clear and focused, and never allow yourself to become sloppy or drunk.
7 ) Thou shalt not be a gold digger
Never ask or hint for anything of monetary value. If a gentleman offers to buy you a designer watch or handbag or anything else of worth, you may accept --- but DO NOT bring up the subject.
8 ) Thou shalt act like a lady.
This means being polite and follow common laws of etiquette such as saying
"please," "thank you," and "excuse me." Do not cuss. Men admire, trust and respect women with good manners. This includes not chasing him by calling or emailing him excessively. Remember, however, that for you to be a lady, he must be a gentleman. A gentleman will ask you for a weekend date by Wednesday. If he asks you out for the weekend on Thursday or later, the ladylike thing to do is to schedule no more than Sunday brunch with him. Or if he really needs to be taught a lesson, schedule a Monday night dinner. A lady will not allow a gentleman to make last minute plans, even if he tells her he loves a spontaneous girl. If you accept out of eagerness, he will feel you are too easy, and will move on to someone who makes him work harder.
9 ) Thou shalt (if interested) express some interest.
Don"t play hard to get if you like him. A man likes genuine compliments just as much as you do (maybe even more) so don't be afraid to tell him he's handsome, interesting or funny. Once you have decided you like a specific male and you have gone out with him four times, it is important to show your appreciation and reciprocate. But do not offer to outright pay for something: once a woman touches money/credit card in front of a male she becomes "masculine energy," which is undesirable. But this does not preclude showing thanks by purchasing him a CD, book, theatre or concert tickets, just don't do it in his presence. Offering to cook a meal for him is an exceptional, appreciative gesture. The number one small request a wealthy man makes of a woman is a good "old-fashioned" home cooked meal. If you are not a great cook, we suggest you order food from your favorite take out service and top the evening off with a back massage. Once you are in a committed relationship, however, paying for things in his presence is perfectly acceptable as long as it is four-to-one. Remember, when a man has set the precedent of being the masculine energy in the relationship, the utmost reward for him is love, affection and availability. But every now and then he too would like to receive a gift, home cooked meal, or back rub that shows that you truly care.
10 ) Thou shalt not become intimate on the first date.
If you're interested in him, a hug and kiss must suffice. Take it slow and getting to know your perspective mate for three months before diving into the waters of intimacy. Never get into a sexual situation unless he tells you in the sober light of day (and not in the bedroom!) that he wants to pursue a committed, monogamous relationship with you. He must verbally ask you that he desires for the two of you to be monogamous to be exclusive. Do not assume you are exclusive unless he asks you. As long as you are not exclusive, you have the right to date as many men as you desire until you are off of the market. When it comes to sex, it is important that you realize that "In is in." In other words, any kind of intercourse, whether oral, vaginal or otherwise, is considered sex, and should not be indulged in until you are both monogamous. NEVER assume that you are monogamous, unless he asks you to be monogamous, committed and exclusive with you, and he tells you that he is in a platonic setting. It takes four seasons to get to know someone well enough to delve into marriage. If a man doesn't propose to you by the end of one year, you must end the relationship and move on, unless he agrees to therapy.
