**Disclaimer: In no way does this blog imply wrongdoing or intentional hurt or maliciousness by any of the parties mentioned, rather it describes the heartbreaks due to outside circumstances or timing. The people I love I will always love and do not blame...except for one or two (like Shannon and Jenny)
Hello, fu-peeps. Instead of some inspired poetic entry, or great song lyric, or inspiring food for thought, I guess I just need to vent. You know, I'm sure a lot of you have experienced a time or two falling for someone that you just know is your kind of perfect, where they just have that bond and connection with you that you can't deny, and you feel like the king or queen of the world whenever you hear their voice or spend any sort of time together.
The shitty thing is that you may have the perfect love and perfect bond, but be trapped in the wrong circumstances to really enjoy it. That seems to be the case over the years for me.
Right when I get that perfect thing going with the woman I think is finally my someone special, some kind of messed up circumstances are in play.
We're either trapped by distance, trust issues, confusion if they sort of like someone else, or some other random bad circumstance.
At least I can say that I won't turn my back on love, no matter what. I refuse to let myself be jaded into just believing that it's all misery and no happiness, but man, going through this sure makes it hard to hold on to hope.
Do I love the people that this has happened with? Absolutely. Whether I still talk to them regularly, or not, I do consider them soulmates...and whatever time I had with them I treasure and love, the same as I treasure and love them in my heart forever and always.
When I let someone in so deep that I feel they've touched the very fabric of my soul, I know for sure, no matter what, that they will always be in my heart...that's a true soulmate.
I guess the one thing that would be great is that I wish one of these times when I meet a soulmate like that, it would be nice to finally be able to live and love freely, without the frakked up circumstances. 2 people, 1 foundation of love and trust, for a lifetime. That's all.
One day, it will happen...either someone that I've connected with in my past, or someone that I haven't met yet, will share that with me, and the final piece will click into place.
Until then, darkness with no light, and hurting are my companions...love will triumph one day, though. I believe it will. You have to be wounded by it to appreciate its full beauty, and also unsderstand it's fragility.
I can say that I'm lucky to at least understand and experience true love...I truly hope everyone can at some point in their lives.
