DarkChyld's blog: "darkchyld"

Brave men jokes >>> >>> >>> What's the definition of the bravest man in the world?? >>> >>> The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and >>> smelling of perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says: >>> "You're next, fatty." >>> >>> -------------------------------------------------------------------- >>> >>> Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while >>> his wife is lying in bed reading. >>> >>> Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a >>> headache." >>> >>> Wife replies: "I think you'll find, that is a sheep." >>> >>> Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the >>> sheep." >>> >>> -------------------------------------------------------------------- >>> >>> A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a >>> >>> suitcase. >>> >>> He asks, "What are you doing?" She answers, "I'm moving to >>> >>> Sydney.I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing >>> what I do for you for free." >>> >>> Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the >>> >>> bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she >>> asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too I want to see how >>> you live >>> >>> on $800 a year". >>> >>> -------------------------------------------------------------------- >>> >>> A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she >>> >>> selected: >>> >>> * 1 quart of low fat milk >>> >>> * a carton of eggs >>> >>> * 1 quart of orange juice >>> >>> * a head of lettuce >>> >>> * half a dozen tomatoes >>> >>> * a 1 pound can of coffee >>> >>> * a pound of bacon >>> >>> >>> As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check >>> >>> out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the >>> items in front of the cashier. >>> >>> While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk >>> >>> calmly stated,"You must be single." >>> >>> The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she >>> was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed >>> >>> single. >>> >>> She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing >>> >>> particularly unusual about her selections that could have >>> tipped off the drunk as to her marital status. >>> >>> Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you >>> know >>> >>> what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you >>> know that?" >>> >>> The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

13 Reasons to Smile Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ? A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!" I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk." Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !! Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? Wouldn't you know it... Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever. Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside? Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier" And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.