Nymphetamine Elf's blog: "Damnit!"

Two years ago..... Two years ago, we last spoke Two years ago, we laughed with each other last Two years ago, things were not so good Two years ago, you lost the most important person left in your life Two years ago, another life was born Two years ago, you took your life Two years ago...... Two years later.... Two years later, life is better Two years later, I'm happier than I was Two years later, I'm laughing and smiling more Two years later, a new friend made Two years later, I still say damn you for taking your life Two years later, I miss you still Two years later, life continues to go on without you in it Two years later..... your loss.

Nearly every time I dream, the same nightmare ensues. A dead friend haunts me. I scream, rant and cry whilst telling him to stop and leave me in peace. Some nights are unbearable and I wake in a cold sweat, barely able to breathe, like he was holding me underwater, hoping I die and join him. He took his life and this is what he left me with. Death by any means I take seriously, but I've had enough. Maybe I'm going crazy or just still mourning his death. I just wish he'd leave me the fuck alone.

So it's been a year since one of my friends committed suicide and I'm still pissed at him. Not because he did it, just all the things left unsaid and undone. I know what I feel is right, but it sucks. I miss him and nothing can change it or bring him back. I didn't write this to whine about it. I just wrote it comfort myself and be part of my grieving process. If anyone leaves a mean comment, you're an ass hat and remove yourself from my list immediately. If one of you wrote something like this, I wouldn't do that to you.