Don’t know how it is
I cant decide how much
I hate you. Should be simple
How you threw me away
Not even staggered step
Just goodbyes and excuses
But my bloody whole seeking
that hollow where you used to be
and hating myself for looking there
night after night, knowing
I would just end up clawing
Bruised flesh again and again
And yet, I push that stone heart
Up this hill one last time
Again and again,
Turning my back on the memories
Turning my back on the fear
Afraid of life without this pain
As much as I dread
it never going away
and your echo is defiant
rippled scars in the dark
seeking me out,
landing on my flesh
and I can’t out run,
your noise, your wretched static
drowning out the peace
shadowed out the light
sucking the air from my lungs
in desperate tremorred screams.
And life after your pain
is a dull thud, a dead limb
phantom footsteps in my day
trying to forget the dance.
Spins in agony and delicious
dips in dread and deceit
none of it worth the brush
of your hand on my cheek
and the trail of blood
it leaves in abstract
blushing pools
I will have to lick clean
In salted sanguine penance
For my childish wish
To taste the kiss of hope
on my lips once again.
DP~
6/12/07
