my thoughts are poisoned by memories
I retreat to my past
trying to uncover who I am
but most of my life is blocked out
I just don't remember
something's wrong with me
but bits and pieces are missing
I don't know what's wrong
which makes me attempt
to erase my emotions
which in an impossible feat
I have almost achieved
smart minds wonder what happened to me
but I don't remember any causes
looking back I can see all the lies
playing through the pictures
I watch as I lost my sanity
slowly my life turned black
my ignorance lost at too young an age
perfection drilled into my mind
making me lose any chance of normality
I don't know what's wrong with me
wanting to escape my life
I turn to the memories I have left
I always strove to be perfect
but my goals disintegrated
into what I came to be
all I see is a failure
a failure of what I wanted to be
a failure in all of my dreams
there's no changing my past
"once you go black you never go back"
I can't be fixed even if I find my fault
crimson fears poisoned my most desperate black
showing a darker shad
that I didn't know existed
ruining me more than was thought possible
my soul drowns in the depths of an ocean
my thoughts portray the dark waters
and demonstrates no shallowness
my mind tries to swim to comprehension
but my self-esteem pulls me back under
all I have left to cling to
are my few memories that remind of my failure
but bring me comfort
in my sought out moments of solitude
