crazy language
Let's face it English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant
nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are
candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat... WTF
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the
plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices???
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not just one dam amend...
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum
for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and
play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways???
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while
quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another.
have you ever noticed that we talk about stupid shit like
who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly? why do doctors call what they do practice? why are the people who handle our money called brokers???
You have to marvel at the unique fuck up of a language that we call english...
how does your house burn up as it burns down, how do you fill in a form by filling it out
and in which an alarm clock goes off by turning on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race which, of course, isn't a race at all. That
is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are
out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but
when I wind up this blog, I end it.
damned english...
