Shadowwolf's blog: "corrispondance"

To: S. Claus From: Me Sir, It is quite apparent that you give no credence to the behavior of an individual. In point of fact, I have come to the conclusion that you are nothing more than a half-assed incompetent idiot. Since you could not even follow through on a few simple requests, I have decided that by Christmas Eve of next year to find some way to take control of the world air defense grid so that as soon as you are picked up on radar, I will have the capability to fry you and your reindeer. Once shot down, I will then make every effort to see you are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law under the Homeland Security Regulations, and under the more recent terrorist law. Considering how vague the law is, it should be no problem to get a conviction and a sentence of life in prison plus one day. Considering that clearly you are an immortal, that will be a long time. How much trouble would it have been to deliver the machine tools necessary to build and maintain a few simple weapons, and a woman to love me? I mean I did drop the request from the last 36 playboy playmates. Sincerely, Your worst nightmare

Sir, As per your requirements, I feel I have been more than compliant in the 'being good' category. This year, per my resolution last year, I did not beat anyone senseless, held my temper when I would have been justified in speaking up, and I have actually performed more than one good deed. Now, as the contract states, you are obligated to visit my home and at least attempt to deliver some of what I would like for Christmas. Here is my requests: QTY Description 1) 6 Full sized working replica civil war artillery pieces. Should these be unavailable, you can substitute 1940's era 105mm howitzers. 2)10,000 Rounds of ammunition for the above items. 3) 1 Cadcam computer and combination lathe and boring machine with a 72 inch boring capability. 4) 500 Pieces of cold rolled steel bar stock in various diameters from .75 inches to 1 inch 5) 1 brass press and shaping machine. 6) 1case M1A rifles with composite stocks. 7) 1case Ar15 rifles, 7.62 nato caliber. 7a) 20000 rounds ammo for each weapon in the above cases. 8) 90tons building material to construct a secure home, with proper filters and shielding for NBC events. 9) 1 Woman, ages between 18 and 35 who will madly and hopelessly in love with me. (Okay, I know this item will require the use of a hypnotist and possibly brainwashing.) 10) Serv. Someone to explain to the misguided and clearly mentally deficient social security judge that he is not smarter than the medical specialists who have declared me disabled. Now, in my opinion, none of these requests are too great. In fact sir, clearly these requests are much more reasonable than some of a few years ago. You will notice that I did not request a large quantity of uncut diamonds valued at 300 million, although, that would have been much easier to deliver. You will also note that I did not request automatic weapons, and the amount of building material requested would build a structure with living space for at least 60 people, clearly my plan is not to provide for just myself, but my friends and family as well. Sincerely J. Franklin PS: If you cant get the rest of the stuff, just bring me the woman. Thank you.