Silence...welcomed yet cursed
I sit alone within these walls
my thoughts wander over the events
that have come to pass
Such hatred built up for a time,
now just turned to a coldness
I never thought I could possess.
As every breath is drawn over my
lips, another droplet of hope, love, trust
freezes over.
Icicles forming where my insides once were
So cold, yet anger and hatred still burn
with such a fierce flame.
Rational thought seems to come and go
like a gift that cannot be controlled.
Most moments are filled with the insanity and rage
I never thought hatred would be the foremost of my emotions. It seems to have consumed the others so quickly.
Visions and dreams of happy thoughts now overshadowed with destruction and vengeance.
So crisp, crystal clear and vivid, it's almost as if I can taste the blood or hear the screams, feel the excitement of retribution.
Each day I struggle to suppress the beast that seems to grow within me.
Beating it down with a small fraction of hope that still gives off a flicker of light deep within my soul.
But I feel it slipping. I feel the light fade out from time to time, in time it will be consumed in the darkness. The Beast will surface and the rage will power it's destructive force.
To stop fighting would surely put an end to the torment ...or would it?
Would my soul being consumed within the blackness of the beast bring rest or eternal unrest?
Would fighting ever bring an end to the internal torment that rages inside me?
Only destiny knows the answer. For now I fight, but each day, I grasp a tiny bit more of the darkness as it attaches deeply to my soul.
For now the beast lies locked inside the cage of my inner existance. I dread yet yearn for the day it breaks from within the graps of confinement.
Yet now a flicker shines brighter with each day, hidden in the guise of something I never imagined.
Will the light save me or shall the darkness prevail? Only time shall reveal my fate.
****DISCLAIMER***** The above was a work written about 3 yrs ago depicting an inner struggle of emotions. It has nothing to do with literal "beasts" or "devils" or any crap like that. Thank you - now back to your regularly scheduled programming....
