I've let something consume me for so long that I forgot who I was. I thought the attention was wanted, that I was wanted. How do you say you love someone and not see them in your future? I feel so very lost, and have no one to turn to for answers. No one to show me the way back to myself. And yes, even though I am a strong independent woman, I need to be guided. To be lead, to be corrected gently, to be taught, and loved, and wanted. To be able to submit freely, and to be appreciated for it.
I know how this will be taken, if it is ever read by the person it is intended for. I know how He will view this. Lack of finding fault in Himself, because He feels He forewarned me. FUCK FOREWARNING! Live for today, be happy with what you have.. bullshit. I want more.. ok.. I said it. I want the fairytale ending. I want to be able to say I am so truly loved, that when people hear my voice they know its true. I want happily ever after..
I've allowed You to consume my thoughts, and made you a priority in my life.. I've overwhelmed myself, my head, and my heart with the "what if's". I feel I have gone beyond and above the norm, to make this work. The problem is, I'm the only one that seems to give a flying fuck on whether or not it works. I'm hurt, my pride is hurt, my head throbs, my heart aches, and you laugh and say.. " Told ya so". How did I get so consumed by You? I don't see my life without You in it.. but I am no where in Yours.. How can a person love someone so completely that it effects their whole being, and the other is only slightly amused at the entire ordeal? I know You love me.. in some form. I know You say You are "in love" with me... again, it's in some form. What it isn't however, is forever.