Skittlez's blog: "Confusion"

The last 3 months you know its been very hectic. But the last few days I'm ready to have an emotional breakdown. I'm crying myself to sleep and trying so hard to hold it in during the day. My bank accounts are STILL negative, I STILL haven't found a job. I sit at home with kids 24/7. I know I'm only 22 and a new mom but even new moms at 22 need a small vacation. I wanna go away for a week or two and just relax. No kids, no family hassling me on shit I already know. I'mtrying my damndist to do what I need to do. There are thousands of Accountants needed out here but they all want experience. How are college graduates supposed to get experience when nobody wants us!!!! I feel like I wasted my money on college right now. The only person I can talk to about my problems shouldn't have to listen to it but if I don't talk about it then I will break down. I'm trying to hold it in and not let my kids see my upset or my family but I'm getting to the point where I can't do it anymore. I need money bad and I'm just not getting it. I'm trying to be patient and its not getting me anywhere. All I'm being told is my faults, nothing positive. Pep talks "its going to be alright" doesn't work anymore. The few moments I do go out I try to squeeze all the time I can but I still get lectured when I go out. ALSO!!! I was informed of new information that is fucking my head up even more.... I'm scared to do anything right now. I could lost someone I care about so I'm afraid to get too close, and I don't know anyone else here. I've lost everything plus some when I moved out here... I'm tired of losing, why can't I win for once. I sound pathetic I know but I'm on my ass AGAIN and right now I honestly don't see myself picking back up without luck, God, or something. It would just be nice to have something good happen to me without something bad following it.Please........

Right now I'm having a really hard time finding a job out here. I'm a graduate Accountant but its very hard to find a company that will hire me because I'm entry level. Which mean I don't have even a years worth of experience. I'm negative in both of my bank accounts and I have no way to bring it back up without a paycheck. I'm needing help very badly. I can't afford diapers, diaper wipes, or anything for my kids or even me. We are just skimming by right now and its about to get even worse. I moved out here to Texas being told that the job market is easier and I will be able to provide a better life for my kids but right now I'm not able to do any of that and its really getting to me. I've been depressed and stressed out getting turned down for even a housekeeping position because I never did it professionally. I won't do telemarketing or sale because I suck at it and its all commission. I need a guaranteed paycheck at least 12 bucks an hour to be able to take care of my kids. I've even tried gas station, Mcdonalds and they all say I have to have open availability but I can't because of my kids. I can only work mon-fri days until 500-530 because of the daycare. Idk what to do guys.. If ya'll have any ideas or can help me out let me know. I've done hit rock bottom and I'm about to start going underground here if I don't find something soon.