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Here's what doing your own picking and emailing first will do for you By Kathryn Lord Special to Yahoo! Personals Updated: Oct 6, 2007 If you are like most of my romance clients, you wish that love would "just happen." Men as well as women cringe at the mere thought of taking action that might make finding love more likely. It's understandable that women are reluctant to make the first move. After all, most of us over 40 were taught to sit and wait. We kind of like being pursued. It's safe. And then there are books like "The Rules" that dictate old-fashioned female passivity for new-age women. But men? That's right, ladies, they are as scared as we are. Maybe more. Perhaps love will "just happen" for some of these people who are "just waiting." After all, each of them has indeed done SOMETHING: They have posted a profile. They've made a semi-public statement that they are single and looking. Maybe, just maybe, Mr. or Ms. Right will see it, be in the 65-75 percent who will actually make the first move, and decide to get in touch. But what happens if both parties are in the percentages who never make the first move? Nothing! Talk about two ships that pass in the night...Why proactive is better than waiting. Here's what proactive dating -- doing your own picking and emailing first -- will do for you: 1. You'll get clearer about what you are looking for, and better able to recognize it when you find it. 2. Once you get over the shock of making the first move, you'll feel so much better. Action is empowering. Sitting and waiting is hard. Ask any wallflower at a junior high school dance. 3. Since you are doing the looking and picking, the chances are much better that you will find just what you want, rather than having to make do with whoever gets in touch with you. 4. Women: Men LIKE it if you contact them first. I have never had one of my male clients not feel touched and appreciative when a woman emails them first. "The Rules" be darned. (I emailed my now-husband first. He liked it.) 5. Men: Women like you to get in touch first, too, of course. But we know how hard that can be. No one likes to hear "no." Internet dating has revolutionized how we think about rejection, though. You can read more of what I have to say about rejection in my Yahoo! Personals article "Your Recipe for Rejection Prevention." How to make the first move 1. Pick a list of favorites, at least 5 or 6, and contact them all at once. 2. Do not let yourself get too focused on any one person before you hear back and get some sense of their interest and availability. 3. Be prepared for a high non-response rate. No response is very common. If 30 percent of your contacts reply, you are doing very well. 4. While you are waiting for the first group you contacted to respond, look around again and get five or six more prospects ready to go. Do not wait more than a week -- start sending out more first emails to your new list. 5. Remember that "no" or "no response" is not about you. It can't be. These folks don't know you at all. A "no" is about their non-availability. Do not let your imagination run wild and make a "no" harder than it needs to be. http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/gettingstarted/print2708/why-proactive-dating-works;_ylt=Ane9J3PpjuVVxs0z3ts7B6U5mot4

You Asked..."I Felt Things Were Going Well. Now, I Just Don't Know What to Think or Feel" "I am starting to date someone I have admired for a few years. When I finally approached this person romantically, they responded just as I had hoped. We had a little discussion to get each other's expectations clear, and I thought all was well. But the last few times we were together, he seemed either preoccupied or too tired, and not really engaged in our being together. He wasn't feeling well all week and I am not sure if this is the reason for the standoffish behavior or not. I asked specifically if he wanted me to go and not come back, and he said no. I left with a kiss from him, and put a possibility of our going to have dinner and a movie out. He said yeah, we'll see. "I haven't gone back for three days, partly to give him time to feel better and also to see if he would come around. I haven't heard a word from him. Do I wait longer, or give it a few more days and if he doesn't come by, go see him and see why he hasn't come to see me? I am so confused with such mixed emotions right now, it is kind of hurting me. I really adore this man and hoped for good things. From our discussion, I felt things were going well. Now, I just don't know what to think or feel. Can you help?" -- Holly M, 47, Orlando, Florida Kristin Cavins, M.A., LMHC answers: Hi Holly -- Kudos to you for having the courage to approach the man of your affections! Sounds like from your discussion, everything was looking up. Now mixed signals are flying and you're confused. 9.9 times out of 10, if a man is interested in you, you will know it. Whether he is not feeling well for a few days, completely swamped with work, or encased in a giant cube of ice, you will still hear from him if he is interested. I understand that you are disappointed in what you had hoped would be a good thing. My suggestion is that you don't contact him again. You have done your part, and the ball is in his court. Allow him the chance to reconnect with you, and if he chooses not to, then there is your answer. Kristin Cavins, M.A., LMHC is a psychotherapist who specializes in dating and relationships, and provides online and phone counseling. She is on the web at keycounselingservices.com Cate Sevilla answers: Holly -- It seems as though you're the only person in this relationship who is willing to be upfront and honest about your feelings. While it's understandable that he hasn't been feeling well, it doesn't excuse his constant preoccupation, tiredness and lack of attention for you. He might as well just roll over and murmur, "Not tonight, honey. I have a headache." He's making excuses and you're making excuses for him. His aloofness and little game of "Please don't leave, but I'm going to ignore you while you're here" are causing you pain, and making you put forth all the effort. It sounds as though you're the one initiating all the dates and truthful conversations. You're doing all the work, yet are left wondering when and if he'll call. You're even willing to go over to his house and confront him if you don't hear from him! Meanwhile, he's doing nothing. He's not even meeting you halfway. How unfair is that? Wouldn't it be nice to be with someone who pays attention to you when you're at his house? You don't deserve to be in a relationship where you're constantly waiting for the other person to acknowledge your existence. You deserve to feel secure and loved even if your partner truly is tired, sick, or just having an off day. You don't get to choose when to love someone; love is constant, even when it has a cold. Holly, I know how much you must adore this man, but no, you shouldn't wait longer. I hate to say it, but actions really do speak louder than words, and his actions are not that of a man who understands and appreciates what an amazing, honest woman you are. You deserve better, sister! Cate Sevillais the editor of the women's issues blog DollyMix. She is a young feminist and is passionate in helping women make empowering, informed life decisions. You can read more of her views on feminism, sex and relationships at CupCate.com. Rachel Kramer Bussel answers: Holly -- Before you decide how you're going to approach him, you have to sort out your feelings for him and what you want out of any potential relationship. Otherwise, you're simply waiting for his cue as to how things will proceed. It's natural to do so, especially when you really like someone -- I've been there more times than I can count. The problem, though, is that you're subject to his whims and he can keep you on this emotional seesaw. There are a few possibilities where he's concerned. Maybe he likes you, but something else, whether another woman, personal issues, or his own uncertainty about what he wants, is holding him back. Maybe he's afraid to get too wrapped up in you before he's sorted out his own issues. Or maybe he likes you but doesn't want anything long-term and isn't sure how to say that. You'll never know how he really feels until you ask him, and by "ask," I don't mean confront. You need to be ready to hear what he says -- good, bad or hurtful -- and let him know that you really want his honest outlook, not some rosy, best-case-scenario, I'll-say-anything-to-appease-her speech. Ask yourself if you could handle being "just friends" with him if it turns out he'd rather put the brakes on anything more than friendship. I know men get tortured over relationships just as women do, but I also have known way too many women, myself included, who've been in your shoes, waiting for him to call or decide what he wants to do. Of course you care about his desires and, in the best case scenario, he'll want to proceed, perhaps with caution, as you had started to do. Just make sure you have an emotional support system, be it friends or family (or even pets) to fall back on if his answer isn't what you wanted to hear. Rachel Kramer Bussel is an erotic author and the editor of more than a dozen anthologies, including "He's on Top," "She's on Top" and "Caught Looking." She's a former sex columnist for The Village Voice and hosts In the Flesh Reading Series. Find out more at rachelkramerbussel.com. http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/43608/you-askedi-felt-things-were-going-well-now-i-just-dont-know-what-to-think-or-feel;_ylc=X3oDMTNrcm1lNG5oBF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEc2VjA2ZwX3RvZGF5BHNsawN5b3UtYXNrZWRpLWZlbHQtdGhpbmdzLXdlcmUtZ29pbmctd2VsbC1ub3ctaS1qdXN0LWRvbnQta25vdy13aGF0LXRvLXRoaW5rLW9yLWZlZWwEenoDYWJj

Do Men Believe in Love at First Sight? Posted by David Zinczenko on Mon, Sep 24, 2007, 8:50 am PDT Post a Comment View all 6 Comments » When you were younger, you probably believed the Meg Ryan movies and the accompanying romantic plots: Of course there's such a thing as love at first sight. But now that you've been on more than a few dates, you've noticed the absence of a scriptwriter, cinematographer, hair, makeup, and lighting engineers. That meet-swoon-commit deal only happens in Hollywood, it seems. But consider this: a national survey revealed that 48 percent of men say they do believe in love at first sight. Eye-lock with violins, anyone? Of course, the classic definition of love at first sight includes quite a lot of physical sensations, especially where men are concerned - attraction that's triggered by a particular face, a smell, a body, or just the overall vibe for a person. For a man, though, love at first sight quickly becomes more like "love at first-through-twelfth sight" - that is, not only the initial physical and chemical reaction that happens when he sees a woman, but also the behavior and personality nuances that come out early on in a relationship. They're the ones that determine whether the chemical reaction escalates into true love or explodes into a love-lab disaster. Surprised? That's probably because guys get a bad rap. While many women will assert that they're out on a Friday night "looking for love," they often think that men are just on the prowl - guzzling, grinding, and groping their way into bed with you. The reality is that many men are also looking for the short-acting spark that transitions into a long-lasting flame; they just tend to be guarded in their approach. Why? For one, you'd think he was a desperate freak if he confessed his feelings upon arrival of the Caesar salad. And two, guys enjoy the chase: you may blow him away with a handshake or certain look, but that doesn't mean he's willing to forfeit the pursuit, the mystery, the suggestive banter, or the nervous sexual energy that's coupled with newfound attraction. The trick is, of course, transitioning from the short-term chemical spark to the big-time personal commitment. These are the things men really look for when they're out there looking. Men Want: Covert Actions They Don't Want: Overt Ones Seems like a simple equation, doesn't it? He likes you, you like him, you end the night with a Chapstick taste test. Contrary to popular belief, a guy doesn't gauge your passion by how quickly you fall into bed with him. In fact, for many men, their level of intensity for a woman increases the less overt physical contact he has with her. While men certainly have quick sexual motors, a slow, gradual revving of the engine is simply longer-lasting and more satisfying. That's why women should never underestimate the value and power of the slow tease. Unexpectedly grabbing his hand, grazing his thigh, or simply making eye contact across the room builds his attraction and multiplies that in-love feeling far better than a boozy kiss 20 minutes after your introduction. Men Want: Mystery They Don't Want: Full Disclosure You know how it goes. A woman confesses her love early on and she's viewed as an overbearing, bioclock time bomb who wants to lock a man into a multi-year commitment. A man who confesses his love early is more desperate for attention than that dude who just got Tasered. While some would argue that confessing true feelings is simply honest, I would argue that men and women should revel in the slow progression of getting to know each another. Yes, it's tempting to want to spill your soul about your life, your dreams, and your secret eyebrow-plucking habit when you feel an immediate connection. But men rarely have the same knee-jerk reaction to bare all. Let the intimacy progress naturally and he'll be hooked - naturally. In a study of newly married couples, a full 86 percent of men said their relationship did indeed classify as love at first sight. Men Want: Implication They Don't Want: Conversation There's one time men like getting The Talk. At halftime. In the locker room. By their coaches. Otherwise, men just don't take very well to man-up speeches and lectures-especially when it comes to a declaration of love and commitment. The Commitment Talk doesn't stoke the spark; it pulls the plug on it. You can convey your feelings - and help him feel the same way - without having to broach the subject through the always awkward "where is this going" talk. How? Show you're into him by getting him involved a little bit in your future. Invite him on a day trip next weekend, book tickets in advance for a concert or play, or ask him on a hiking trip with friends for next month. By thinking ahead and involving him in your plans, you show that you're devoted enough to invest time in him - without having to make it feel like union negotiations. Men Want: Smoke Signals They Don't Want: Billboards For a man, three long hours of planning something special can be easier than saying three little words. Maybe you're eager to declare your commitment and ready to end every conversation with "I love you," but the sentiment can be hard for him to share - even if he feels the same way. Why? Some men think that if they say those words, there's some kind of unwritten code that locks him into years of nagging about bathroom habits. Truth is, he takes those words seriously (if he didn't, it wouldn't be so hard). Although he may not reciprocate your grand gestures right away, it doesn't mean he's not feeling the same way. He'll do it with a compliment, or offering to take your wheels to the carwash, or through some elaborately planned night of romance. For more of the secret needs and language men employ, check out 50 Things Men Wish You Knew. The flip side? He also likes the same things in return: A compliment or passing innuendo is more likely to strengthen his interest than a premature confession of love. For many men, the excitement that's sparked early on becomes more intense as he unravels the clues that you're falling for him, too. http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/64404/do-men-believe-in-love-at-first-sight

Some men have absolutely NO sense of etiquette when they're trying to contact women online. During all my years of coaching, women have told me some amazing things men have written to them in emails. Many men feel they can just say anything in an email when they are trying to get a woman to go out with them. If they said those same things to a woman in a bar or on the street, they might get arrested, or at least slapped. But when they're hiding behind the secrecy of their computer, too many men get abrasive and crude. Here's my list of 10 things NEVER to do when you're online trying to get a woman to go out with you. Some of these are obvious; some you'll swear I'm making up! But all of them are things men actually do. Top 10 email turnoffs for women 1. Don't ask her how much she weighs or what her measurements are. You might as well just tell her you only want to sleep with her and you have no interest in getting to know her, because that's what she's going to think if you ask her this. 2. Don't email her seven times asking her why she hasn't responded to your first email. Women get far more email than men do, so you need to be patient. Instead of harassing her, relax and be confident that she's going to respond to you. 3. Don't ask her how many other dates she's been on from Yahoo! Personals. How many other dates someone has been on is not important. What is important is finding out whether the two of you click when you hang out. 4. Don't send her a nasty email if she hasn't responded to you after several emails. It's her prerogative whether or not she desires to be in contact with you. If she doesn't want to meet you, why get angry and nasty? There are plenty of other women out there who you can contact. 5. Don't ask her if she wants to have sex with you on the second email exchange, and don't send her dirty pictures of you. Women are all about connecting with their minds. Just because you're looking for a quick fling, that doesn't mean she's going to respond. 6. If she gives you her phone number, don't wait a week to call her. By extension, if you do wait a week to call her and she doesn't call you back, don't be shocked. Women have many options online. If she gives you her phone number, I suggest calling her that day. It keeps the momentum going. 7. When asking for more pictures, do so without any references to "Can you please send me a picture so I can see your body?" Ask her if she'd like to exchange more pictures, which means you send some and she sends some. Several women have complained to me that men ask them to send pictures of themselves in bikinis or other such things, so that men can see their body. Men, don't do this! 8. Don't get offended if she doesn't want to talk to you on the phone right away and/or wants to talk to you via email first to get to know you. You need to be flexible and open to her suggestions. Sometimes you may need to email back and forth for a week, and sometimes she'll give you her phone number right away. Either way, don't be rude. 9. Do not email-stalk her. Many of my women clients have complained to me about men who will email them several times a day for three weeks, until they are forced to block emails from those men. Men, she got your email the very first time. She just may have chosen not to open it. By sending emails several times a day, not only are you turning her off, you're freaking her out! You've become an online stalker. That's a guarantee she'll never go out with you. 10. Don't send cut-and-paste emails. When connecting with her for the very first time, don't cut and paste an email message in July that you've been sending out for six months with a tagline that says, "I love the holidays." By doing that, she knows you didn't read her profile - and that you're really, really lazy!

I appreciate all who fan rate and add me, it helps us all level up and that's always cool. I also don't mind adding someone as a friend first when I come across them, but if you hit me up first and "check me out" go ahead and "Fan, Rate and Add me" I will take the time to look at your photos, stash and blogs and rate them. I dont mind at all. I even go back to people on my list of friends and hit up new pics for rating... I would appreciate when you do add me as a friend after I have requested go ahead and fan and rate me also. A few moments and clicks and it's done. Take the time and browse my stash I have a ton of photos in slide show. I also have added a few pics in my albums for you to see. If you look give them a rate or a comment I won't mind I promise. Also, be fair when rating, down rating because you don't like black and white photos or you cant see my eyes. Come on enjoy a photo that isn't a page full of my face and head tilted or smiling a different way. Variety and not duplication should get some credit. Thanks and stop by and say hi sometime. Jerry

Most men think there's a magic word they can say to get a woman to talk to them. while there is no such "magic word," there are three keys to communicating with a woman that work every single time. This is not earth-shattering stuff. What I'm about to teach you is a simple approach that has worked every single time I or one of my students have used it. Here are the three simple steps to communicating with a woman: Step 1: Observe What She Is Doing. Take the example of a woman standing behind you in line at the supermarket unloading her groceries. What is she putting on the conveyor belt? If she's behind you in line at Starbucks, what is she ordering? What is she eating? Notice everything she's doing. Let the environment give you something to say. Most guys think of something to say that's so random it makes absolutely no sense in a woman's mind. Women actually make fun of these guys and say, "You won't believe what he actually came over and said to me." Step 2: Act on the Observation. In order to properly act upon the observation, you need to open her up and evoke a feeling. For instance, if a woman is ordering a double espresso, the thing to talk about is usually the first thing that comes to your mind. A typical guy might say, "Do you like coffee?" which leads to a yes or no answer. A man who is 100 percent present will look at her and say, "Rough night last night?" or "Busy day ahead?" What you're trying to do is stay inside her head and remain in her current thought process. It's much easier to have a conversation based upon things she's already experiencing. A woman will share something that's already going on in her head. Another example: you're standing at a bar and see a woman ferociously texting someone while standing there by herself. You can walk over and make an assumption like "Is your friend late?" This will in turn open up a conversation based upon feelings and emotions. Women are emotional creatures. They want to bond with you emotionally. They don't want to bond with you randomly. This leads us to Step 3. Step 3: Listen to What She Has to Say. In order to have good conversation and bond with a woman, you need to listen to what she says. If you listen to her, you will know what to say next. It's called a conversation for a reason. A lot of men always think about what to say next, or they have a script in their head about what to say next. That's not a conversation -- that's a bad screenplay. For example, I was standing with a couple of clients on a corner in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. There was a woman standing there by herself with a suitcase, obviously waiting for someone to pick her up for a weekend getaway. So what did these two guys do? They observed and they asked her: Guys: "So where are you going?" Girl: "New Jersey." Immediately one of them says, "New Jersey? I'm from Tampa." That's not a conversation. That is a guy changing the subject to talk about himself. He doesn't care about her right off the bat. The correct thing to say in this situation is this: Guy: "Where in Jersey are you going?" Girl: "The shore for the weekend." Now, in turn, the two guys can keep her present in her head about the weekend and ask her about her trip. Guys: "Which beach?" or "Wow, how long are you staying there?" If they listen and stop thinking about how to amuse her by telling her they're from Tampa, they'll actually connect with her and have a conversation about the shore, vacations -- and who knows where the conversation might go. Men complicate things for no reason. There are no magic lines that you can say, but in reality if men just talked to women like they talk to their closest friends, they would have amazing conversations. Men just need to relax and listen to what women are saying. Do this and you're going to have great conversations. It's that simple! Get out of the house, observe, react and listen! http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/30127/3-keys-to-meeting-women

How many times have you been out and a hottie catches your eye? Instead of approaching her, you sit there paralyzed, wondering what to do. Sure, you could say "hello"... but then what? Time and time again you come up with nothing and wind up alone, watching her leave. This "self-sabotage" is easy to avoid with a simple, surefire technique I've been teaching for years: Use "props" to strike up conversations with women, and you'll never have a missed opportunity again. Props are anything nearby you could use to start or maintain a conversation. Here are five examples: 1. She has a great dog, so you pet the dog and ask, "What's your dog's name?" Obviously she will tell you, to which you can comment on how sweet the dog is and the conversation should naturally unfold. 2. You're in a cafe and she has a newspaper. You can ask, "Do you mind if I read that section when you're done?" When she gives it to you, ask, "Anything exciting I should read first?" 3. On an airplane, ask to borrow a pen. If you're feeling really courageous, once you've got her pen, shake her hand and say very seriously, "Nice to meet you, I'm ranked #2 among America's Most Wanted Pen Thieves. Ever seen it?" Sure it's kinda cheesy, but it's also the kind of off-the-wall thing women love. 4. At a diner, ask her if you can borrow the salt from her table. When she gives it to you, say, "Thanks, I saw you eyeballing it so I thought I'd help out by removing the temptation for you. Salt is very bad for you, ya know," as you proceed to douse your own food with it -- another one that's sure to get some laughs. 5. In a bank line, you can even use the lack of customer service on the part of the tellers as a prop. Why? Because it gives you something to talk about -- that's exactly what props are for. Props remove the most difficult part of starting a conversation. You don't have to be clever. You don't have to be funny. You don't need to use a pick-up line. All you need to do is be aware of your environment and find something to talk about. http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/28793/perfect-your-approach-with-a-prop;_ylc=X3oDMTI0bDZlbXJlBF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEc2VjA2ZwX3RvZGF5BHNsawNwZXJmZWN0LXlvdXItYXBwcm9hY2gtd2l0aC1hLXByb3AEenoDYWJj

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/59792/are-you-too-clingy A guy in a good relationship is, for the most part, a pretty happy guy - and most of us know how lucky we are. In fact, 75 percent of men would grade their current relationship as an A or a B, according to a poll of more than 2,000 men for my book, "Men, Love & Sex." But there are three main sins that can turn a man from happy to "hey-where's-the-door" in no time. Lying is the first one, and unless you're lying to yourself, as well, you know how not to do it. Nagging is the second, and you'll know you're doing it when the words you say are immediately followed by the thought, "I sound just like my mother!" But the third deadly sin is harder to spot in one's self, because it often looks and feels just like love. I'm talking about clinginess. Men are hard to decipher on this point, because they value in women both vulnerability (they want to be your hero) and independence (they want to be left alone once in a while). He wants you close; he doesn't want you on him like a freshly dried sock. Here are some signs that your relationship Velcro is about to endure a loud ripping noise. Needy Sign 1: Your Over-Under on Daily Phone Calls is Two* Fine, you need to check in once during the day to see if you're set for dinner, and then once again later in the day just to fill him in on what happened to your boss/friend/grandmom, or just to say hello. You make more calls than that? The unspoken message is that maybe you don't trust him, or don't have enough to do yourself, or are relying too much on him for everyday satisfaction. All are turn-offs-and, in all likelihood, grounds for tuning out. * Three, if you have kids. Needy Sign 2: You Insist on a Joint E-mail Account Oh, how nice it is when "Bob and Karen@yahoo" can e-mail "Joe and Linda@yahoo" to set up the night at the Italian place on the 20th. Not really. While there's no problem with joint bank accounts, joint car loans, and joint mortgages, there's a not so subtle message that's sent to guys when their Internet activity is being monitored like it's under the eyes of a 24-hour surveillance camera: That you don't trust him a lick. There's certainly some dangerous ground online (and I can't deny that plenty of men abuse their electronic privacy), but tightening the cyber-noose too much in the beginning of a relationship can send the signal to a man that he's not going to have an iota of privacy anytime or anywhere. Needy Sign 3: You Update Him on the Latest Celebrity Gossip Granted, a lot of men don't like to talk. And granted, a lot of men could be more talkative, better listeners, and more of an emotional sounding board for their partners. But some men are like cars - they have only so much emotional and conversational fuel before they run out of gas. Of course, there's nothing wrong with banter about such inane stuff as Britney, Lindsay, or who's dating whom, but do that too often with a guy, and he may wonder if there's something wrong with your other social networks - which would make him think that he's going to be obligated to carry more of the social weight than he's ready to handle. Needy Sign 4: You Don't Have Your Own Poker Night Get this: 64 percent of men say they're happy to have time to themselves when their girlfriends have plans. A lot of men want their ladies to go out and do stuff on their own, whether it's through hobbies or socializing or working. One, that away-from-each-other time ensures that women have their own independent outlets. And two, it gives men a chance to have their own testosterone release. If this doesn't happen - at least occasionally - resentment and frustration can build, because the unspoken message is that you may not have enough of your own independence to respect his. Know a few other needy signs? Share them here. And guys: Lest you think you're off the hook, here are 10 ways that women are judging you. Read ‘em and heed ‘em.

For every valuable tip out there on how to date online, there are probably two mistakes to avoid. Keep away from the 10 listed here and you'll boost your success rate considerably. Mistake #10: Thinking That Your Great Date Actually Meant Something Have you ever had a man say how much he likes you, how sexy you are, and how he's serious about finding a long-term relationship? Ever have an amazing date where the chemistry was great, the conversation flowed, and you hooked up with him afterwards? Have you ever had a man do all of these things and then NOT call? No, you're not crazy or delusional. Your mistake is thinking that what a man says on a date actually means something. It doesn't. It means he's being in the moment. So don't put too much weight on a great date. The only way you can tell how a man REALLY feels about you is by how quickly he follows up for another date. Mistake #9: Ignoring Your Own Intuition How many times have you been across a table from some guy, wishing that you'd rather be anywhere else on earth? How many times have you felt deceived, angered, manipulated, or just plain turned off by the man in front of you? Now, how many times have you considered that it was actually your fault that he was sitting there? I'm not blaming you. I've been there myself. But the common denominator in all your bad dates is not the awful men themselves, but YOU. If you find yourself losing hope that there are any great guys out there, do yourself a favor and only go out with men who truly interest you. Instead of meeting total strangers, filter out men by email and phone. This strategy will prevent most bad dates before they happen. Mistake #8: Waiting for Men to Write You First Have you ever sat in front of your computer, reading emails from losers, and asked yourself why the winners never write to you? You look at your favorites list and wish you could say hi to them, but you know better. It's tradition: men approach women. And you wouldn't want to come across as desperate. After all, what guy wants a woman who's so needy that she has to write to him first? Actually, all men do. We love it. If you have a good photo, an original profile and you write a confident email, most guys will drop everything they're doing to talk to you. Mistake #7: Expecting Him to Tell the Truth in His Profile You don't like to be lied to. Nobody does. And once you've gone out with a man who claimed to be 5'9" but is really 5'5", it's hard to keep dating. But haven't you ever done the same thing? The typical woman exaggerates her height by one inch and lowers her weight by 20 pounds. And it's not just a coincidence that the most popular ages for women on dating sites are 29, 39, 44 and 49. You want to be given a chance. You don't want to be judged before you meet. And you're insecure that telling the truth won't get you in the door against younger, thinner women. So if there are good reasons why an honest woman might be tempted to misrepresent herself, wouldn't it make sense that an honest man might be tempted to do the same thing? Mistake #6: Thinking You're Now Dating the Man You've Met Online Have you ever gone on an amazing date and saw that he was online right afterwards? Have you ever emailed a man who seemed interested then suddenly disappeared? Have you ever gotten intimate with a man who never called again? You're not alone. All of these things are common in the world of online dating. So instead of taking it as a personal rejection each time a man comes and goes, take a step back. Think of all the guys who have written to you that you weren't interested in. Imagine all of them taking it personally. It's ridiculous. It's easy to forget how many choices men have. It's easy to forget how many other women they're contacting. And if you think that you're exclusive with every new guy that gets you excited, you're in for a lot of disappointment. Mistake #5: Meeting for a Coffee Date to Save Time Have you ever spent a month getting to know someone online and discovered on the date that they were a real-life dud? I have. I remember vowing not to waste that kind of time on a stranger ever again. You probably did, too. You probably started meeting guys right away to make sure that you had that "in-person chemistry." And at some point, on your tenth (or twentieth) bad date, you probably asked yourself, "Why do I even bother?" Online dating is NOT about meeting men as quickly as possible. Moving quickly means there is no screening. There is no getting-to-know-you process. You might as well have cute men at a bar pick a number to meet you. The ONLY way to enjoy online dating is by going out with fewer men. It's far better to go on one comfortable date on a Friday night than five blind coffee dates during the week. Mistake #4: Expecting That You'll Succeed Online Because You're a Catch You're sweet. You're fun. You're attractive. You have no trouble meeting men in real life. You figure that with all your good qualities, online dating should be a piece of cake. Except that's not how it's worked out. The only guys contacting you look like they've been let out of jail or a retirement home. There have to be better men out there. Then how come they aren't writing? Simple. Any man who you think is a great catch has hundreds of options. And when a guy has that many choices, he's often going to search for younger women. Why? Because he can. So forget these guys and their unrealistic Playboy fantasies. Mr. Right is the man who wants YOU. Focus your attentions on the men who are searching for you, instead of the ones who aren't, and you'll have far greater success. Mistake #3: Trying to Stop the "Wrong" Men From Writing to You Have you ever had a profile that just seemed to attract all the wrong men? You want a man who is attractive, successful and honest, and all you get are ugly unemployed guys who lie about their height. So, to stop them from wasting your time, you decide to spell it out in your profile: "If you're over the age of 50, live in another state, or have a substance abuse problem, don't even bother writing". And yet they STILL keep on contacting you! What can you possibly do to stop these annoying men who can't read? Nothing. Ignore them. But don't try to stop them. After all, if you have any standards, most of your emails are going to be from the "wrong" guys. That's okay. They're allowed to write to you. And you're allowed to delete their email. As a quality woman, you're going to get all sorts of men who are interested in you. Your job isn't to scare away the bad guys, it's to attract the good ones. And profiles with negative warnings to the "wrong" men only make YOU sound bad. Mistake #2: Signing Up for a One-Month Subscription Even though you know how difficult it is to find a soul mate, you signed up for a one-month subscription on a dating site. One month! You're going to fall in love before you get your next phone bill! Clearly, you've created an unrealistic timetable. So while you may not want to date online forever, you're shortchanging yourself if you act as if you have only 30 days to find a husband. Remind yourself why you started dating online -- it's hard to meet people in real life.And quitting is not an option. Mistake #1: Searching for the Right Dating Site If a girlfriend told you that her biggest problem in losing weight was that she couldn't find the right gym, you'd probably shake your head. You know that it's not the gym but your friend's dedication to using the gym that makes all the difference. Yet you may think that you can cure your dating blues just by choosing the right website. Newsflash: ANY website with lots of single men can be the right website; your success is ultimately determined by how you use that site. You can use Yahoo! to search all day long to find a place that is populated with tall, honest, successful men. But at the end of the day, it's not the site that will determine your fate. It's you. The question is how committed you are to turning yourself into a success story. http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/gettingstarted/616/10-classic-online-dating-mistakes;_ylc=X3oDMTI0YmsxczNlBF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEc2VjA2ZwX3RvZGF5BHNsawMxMC1jbGFzc2ljLW9ubGluZS1kYXRpbmctbWlzdGFrZXMEenoDYWJj

why is it someone would rate you low and they have no idea who you are? why is it someone would flag a photo NSFW? if you dont like it move on to something you do but no reason to hate on someone because they arent a 10 to you. try smiling and being nice for a change and you might make a few more friends. talk to someone and find out who they are or just move on. i was asked if i flagged a few pics today and sorry thats not my style. but if you bust my balls I WILL RETURN THE FAVOR! do unto others as you want them to do unto you...