well I turned down another relationship...( from the same guy who wanted me ) ..yes that is me .. always scared to have some 1 love me .. but then did he realy .. he said that he wanted me to be his last .. we have been friends friends for 2 years ... everytime he invited me down .. I would say yes but never go .. hhe said I was cock blocking him .. the thing is , we always forgave one another no matter what .. and always there we need a friend to talk to.. yes we met had some good times... I started to have deep feeling for him and I told him.. then he pushed me away .. but I wasn't good enough then .. he had to go find others ... then till he figured out what he realy wanted in life .. and it was me ... ( 2 years later ). and told me last friday that he wanted me to be his last..a couple of times he had asked me to marry him.. but i thought it was a joke.. after him and I where together the first time .( almost 2 years ago , for a month ) .. I have not been with another man.. because I was scared and still am ..I have alot of male friends but it was firendship .. not close friendship , we go to clubs, party , and stuff like that and I have fun ,, no I have not kissed another man...yanno I never kissed himeither .. like julia robert said ( once you kiss some 1 you start to fall in love )once said in a movie... from child hood up I was always tossed to the side .. felt like no 1 loved me , till I had my children .. the true love of my life . .. my children will always come first before any 1... I was asked if I miss the touch of a man .. yanno I realy don't ( or do I).. there is a song by plunge called scared .. the song fits me to a T.. then I herd a song tonight that realy made me think and some who know me quite well and know when I herd it and went out of the room .. and those who don't well it was scott strap- scared and confused ... I use songs to show me feelings and I did not exspect that song to be played ..even by the guy who played it ...lyrics are words that exspress the soul..I listen to music more than I watch tv .. but as I said before I am scared to recieve love so I run away beforee beeing hurt again .. but who is hurting more them or me .. but then again .. they probaly have some on the side waiting .. was it ment to be or not , but life is so confuckling and I would rather have the love from my children , then to be used from another guy.. life is a bitch so I guess I will stay the way I am and let like take its toll on me
