MidnightMarauder the Nocturnal One's blog: "The Gemini Mind"

Is it possible to have loved before, lose it, and never love again? after you have been single for as long as I have these thoughts creep in every so often and it makes me wonder......is there a reason why I can't find the one that will make me whole, someone who infuses me with happiness just by the sound of her voice?. How many times can one have love come around, it's been 10 years for me since I felt love as it should be (the kind of love that will never have an explanation it just is) was foreign to me and I rejected it (foolish I know) but at the time I was young and didn't know the things I know now. And since then the women I've met have come close to what I let slip through my fingers but it always fell apart, whether it be that I'd see something in them that when I was all wide-eyed didn't see before, or she "was interested" in the beginning but after a while become more distant. At first I felt like it was a curse that had been put on me by love to punish me for giving away a most beautiful, rare gift but now I see differently, over the past ten years I've watched how love can come from nowhere and effect even the hardest ones who have lost their belief in it and when it hits them, the rush of emotion that was locked away changes them into this new person.......I never knew this before and had I known it then I would still be with her.........that's why people get scared when one goes too fast and opens up to them making them (unintentionally) back away, either they have never experienced it, or they have a deeper cut than you and are not ready to jump back in. There were some close calls over the years with women who cared less of what was real and focused on the want........you would think after all this time I would give up and just settle for someone who showed me one out the three things that would let me know she's into me, but if I did that then I would've never learned anything from my exile. Love shouldn't be about settling for something that doesn't put you in a daze every time you're with that person.......rather it should be when you wake up everyday and still feel the same as you did when you first had met them.

I have been known for loving to much, but that's just me giving my all since I didn't do it the first time.....the next time I would make sure to not hold back and never do anything half-ass. Even worse when you have "friends" who are all up on fantasy and only see what's on the surface only to find out later that what they thought was "the one" turned out to so something so wrong but, are so proud that they'll never admit to you that they were wrong in high diving with no water at the bottom. So they continue to fight even when the answer has been right in front of them the whole time. I've learned that the more you fight love the harder it gets to stop yourself when you do start rolling, you had spent so much energy trying not to fall, so when you do you can't stop it, only to find out(all there was) is fools gold. So until this adventure is over I'll carry the title of Hopeless Romantic in hopes to once again accept the gift that was bestowed upon me all those years ago, this time doing things differently and sharing all the ideas and thoughts I have encountered. Now before you say but you shouldn't look cause it doesn't come to those who do........and in some ways you'd be right but I never said "who" I was looking for, instead looking past the surface to what's on the inside "I have lived in many houses but never a home"........in other words that feeling of total and complete joy is the most rarest of experiences one can have on this plane of existence.....my Nexus!!!