ok i have been trying to be strong about this all. first off for you guys that dont know what happend... i was engaged. well it was actually about the 5th time someone asked me to marry them. i know my life is fucked up right lol. anyways he was another asshole hiding in sheeps clothing. i gave him my everything. i would have done anything to make him happy. but all i got in return from him was a few nice happy days that i still treasure but alot of pain and heartache. he cheated, lied, abused me, and used me. right now as far as i know he is still in prison but he was suppose to get out the day before my birthday, dec 17th. i am a bundle of nerves because i dont know if he is going to come back after me. i love him alot. but he came after me one night and i called 911 and got him thrown first in jail then prison. who knows where he is. his whore the little 18 year old girl that he was fucked on the side was suppose to pick him up from the bus station after he got out maybe she will keep him away from me. i dont want to see him. my heart cant hurt anymore. i had afew very close friends that helped me try to get over him. one of the hardest parts of the whole thing was that because of that one night that i called 911 and all the court dates and shit i miscarried. the only truely pure thing to come from him. i would have given birth in feb. im still getting over that. you never truely get over it you just slowly let the hurt go away. its also my first christmas alone in over 5 years. i dont know what to do. i turned to a few good friends. they save me daily from myself. i also turned to a guy on here. he made me smile again. made me forget. made me feel there are good guys out there. but alas he stopped talking to me when my naughty pics went away. i dont want just sex anymore.i want love again. i deserve love again. real love. not that fake shit. i dont know where i will find that. who knows it might find me. but i have alot of walls up now. alot of baggage. maybe they wont notice because im great in bed right? um....dont thinks so. well maybe there will be one that will find me truely beautiful and enjoy my crazy soap opera life. who knows. if your a real friend reply with some kinds of words of encouragement or friend love. i could use them right about now. thanks for reading this everyone!
