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SAPHY's blog: "Come join please!"

created on 03/27/2008  |  http://fubar.com/come-join-please/b201965

Lessons for life.

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. 2. Memorize your favorite poem. 3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or loaf all you want. 4. When you say, "I love you," mean it. 5. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye. 6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married. 7. Believe in love at first sight. 8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much. 9. Love deeply and passionately. You may get hurt, but it's the only way to live life completely. 10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name-calling. 11. Don't judge people by their relatives, or by the life they were born into. 12. Teach yourself to speak slowly but think quickly. 13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?" 14. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk. 15. Call your mother. 16. Say, "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze. 17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson. 18. Follow the three Rs: Respect for self, Respect for others, Responsibility for all your actions. 19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. 20. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. 21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice. 22. Marry a person you love to talk to. As you get older, his/her conversational skills will be even more important. 23. Spend some time alone. 24. Open your arms to change but don't let go of your values. 25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. 26. Read more books. Television is no substitute. 27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time. 28. Trust in God but lock your car. 29. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life. Do all you can to create a tranquil, harmonious home. 30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past. 31. Don't just listen to what someone is saying. Listen to why they are saying it. 32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality. 33. Be gentle with the earth. 34. Pray or meditate. There's immeasurable power in it. 35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered. 36. Mind your own business. 37. Don't trust anyone who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss. 38. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before. 39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. It is wealth's greatest satisfaction. 40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. 41. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly. 42. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. 43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. 44. Live with the knowledge that your character is your destiny. 45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Because your my friend

When you are sad,………….I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking bastard/bitch who made you sad. When you are scared,……… I will laugh at you and tease you about it every chance I get. When you are worried,………I will tell you how much worse it could be and to quit complaining. When you are confused,……..I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass. When you are sick………I will hold your hair while you pay homage to the porcelain God. When you fall……I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass. This is my oath……………I pledge till the end. Why you may ask?…………..Because you’re my friend.
Skinny people piss me off! Especially when the say things like, “You know sometimes I forget to eat.” Now, I have forgotten my address, my mother’s maiden name, and my keys. But I’ve never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat. A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn’t give a damn. They ;keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn’t all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, “Body, how’d you like to go th the six o’clock class in vigorous toning?” Clear as a bell my body said, “listen bitch. . . do it and die.” The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him.) I( read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smokingtoo much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day. I know what Victoria’s secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff. “If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?”
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