jerry's blog: "Lost Serenity"

Hello my space of white that will turn black after I complete this.Its been awhile.So for those who happen to stumble across this let me say before I get started.THIS IS MY ROOM.THIS IS WHERE I GET IT OUT!!!So if you don't like what I write,you know how to click.This weekend I had a show to do.I actually had two back to back weekends of shows which were very draining especially when its hot.I deal with thousands of people during the course of six months and the season is almost finally over.I am very tired and burned out and with a very recent separation after twenty three years,the mountains next month can't come soon enough.This past weekends show was stressful and when it was over it got me thinking on the subject of combinations.Combinations of things,people.Especially people.Being that I have alot of reflection time on my hands now I am looking at people I have let in and out of my life.By nature I am a very deep loving,caring person who will always lend a helping hand without asking for something in return.Good guys finish last syndrome is what I call it.I also am very careful of how I treat and effect others.Which I am finally(smack me up side the head!!!)noticing most people today don't do.I have put a lot of thought into the two people who are having the biggest effect on me right now.My soon to be X and my business partner.The one,after so much time who can only say."If I only knew how bad I was hurting you."The other is plotting to take over my business behind my back.If he only knew who he's trying to fool.I had someone tell me long ago when I was learning to become a machinist to always come across as dumb as possible.That way you won't be taken advantage of.Well I am finding that shit don't work!!! I am finally seeing that thru those combinations of interactive relationships is where my failures have come from.I have hidden my true intelligence for too long and am now dealing with it all.Patients has also been my curse.Why is it a person can't see when they are having a negative effect on someone else?That baffles the hell out of me.Like for instance,what in the hell is the DISLIKE button on here for?If you don't like someone for who they are or what they do just pass them by.That's all.Why make it public.Why try to make someone feel bad.Fubar,take that crap off!!!I came here because of the positive effect of this site.Now everytime I want to send a drink or a gift to one of my friends or family on here.And I love all my Family on here.You guys are great!!!I have got to look at a blood red button that I feel is nasty to say the least.I am not sorry I went on a tanget just now.You know what? I lied.There is a third person who is having a huge effect on me.I call her my Quickening Angel.I will always miss her.Thank you for setting me off in the true direction.In conclusion all I can say is the people you let in your life will determine how you end up.Pay attention to your COMBINATIONS!!!