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Cold, White Void

The winter just gets me down. I don't have the drive to accomplish anything it seems... My creative drive is at a standstill, I still haven't found a part time job to supplement my income as a starving artist... therefor, everything is at a standstill... It is like it freezes me from the inside out. I wish that I could thaw out my core... maybe I could get something done then. I can't call it depression exactly, at least not in the normal sense of the word, I mean, I am not really sad... just lazy. We just got about a foot of snow, and now it is worse. I just feel like it snowed inside my brain, filling me up and making my soul into a vast empty white void. I suppose it doesn't help matters any that I got into the blowout I did with my mother on Saturday. There is nothing more dissolutioning than your own mother, who is supposed to have your back and be a mecca of encouragment, telling you to give up the art because who would want to buy that anyway? Upon the pinnicle of said argument, yours trully was banished from mother's home with no transportation in the middle of the worst storm of the year, and left to walk the 6 miles to the nearest friends place. She would not even let me use the phone. So, now, I am officially homeless until I move into my new place in 2 weeks. All of this mounting up in my head to create this somewhat uncaring, pessimistic attitude that says, 'Well, Fuck This!' I think I will just drink. Give me a day above thirty degrees so the snow melts, and give me some sunshine... then all will be right with the world, I just know it.
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