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SurferGirl's blog: "Closure"

created on 05/28/2008  |  http://fubar.com/closure/b219217

My Departed Friend

On May 17, 2007, a dear friend of mine died of Lung Cancer. I did not learn of her passing until many months later nor did I even know she had been sick. We had drifted apart in life, as friends sometimes do. It had always been my intention to reunite...but as it often happens...life gets in the way. When I got married, she was a bridesmaid...when she married I was a bridesmaid for her as well. She went off to grad school and became a Pullitzer Prize winning journalist and a professor at Columbia University... I went to grad school and got my MBA and had three children. She got divorced--but never called to tell me she was even having marital troubles... I found out after 9-11 after I called to make sure she was okay as she lived in the city... We stayed in touch for a little while but then I lost my job and had to turn in my work computer and I lost her email address...stupid things.... Over the years I would google her stories in the newspaper she wrote for...to keep tabs on her and see how she was doing...and thats how I came to find out she had died. :( So sad... I've been thinking about her these last few months... and really it has bothered me so much that she died not knowing how much she meant to me and how much I love and respected her. The anniversary of her death passed about a week ago... and last night I dreamed of her... In my dream I called her on the telephone... and heard her familiar voice answer... "L.E.!"I said... as it was our private joke to call each other by our first two initials, "A.D.!" she answered earnestly... I was so glad of a chance to talk with her... Told her how sorry I was that she had been so sick and I had not been there for her... and she told me that she was sorry she did not call but that she hated dumping bad news on anyone and didnt' want me to feel sorry for her... She told me she could feel my anguish and she wanted to talk to me so I would have a chance to say goodbye to her. We talked at length about normal thing...about our past and things that we had experienced together during our college years and immediately afterward... and how sorry we were that we had drifted apart.. and how you don't always have that "eventually" to reconnect with those that matter to you. You think there is always time to do the things you want to do...but that's not always the case. I wanted her to know what a remarkable person I thought she was...and how she would always live on in my memory and that I would try to follow her example in life. And to make sure she knew that I always loved her and thought she was a very special and wonderful person. I dont remember too much about how the call ended... but the entire thing has made me feel a bit more at peace with her passing and knowing I will never see her again in this life. I really feel like I talked with her and that her presence is still with me...and that she knows how much she means to me.
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