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1819890's blog: "Inside My Mind"

created on 05/07/2008  |  http://fubar.com/inside-my-mind/b213672  |  1 followers
I thought for most of my life that I wouldn't lose the people closest to me, but yanno I should have prepared myself for the worst. Best friends or Juggalo's either way nothing lasts forever. I've put a close on my past, the past that leaves one person thinking I'm a whore & a liar. Damn if he actually knew the truth it would be a slap in the face because I WAS not lying. I love how people who are close to you say they would never think any different of you no matter what, and one thing sets them off and they automatically hate you and think the worst of you, hmmm good lookin on the lying! Well here's how I stand on things, I'm not sorry to say that the last person I slept with (last Friday) was by far the best sex ever. I'm not sorry for the things I did or didn't do. I'm not sorry if the things I did or DIDN'T do makes people thing differently of me in anyway. I'm not sorry that people choose to believe other people over me when I'm telling the truth. I'm not sorry for every moment I've wished something bad would happen to someone. I'm not sorry for my attitude, I'm not sorry for my 'demeanor' & I'm sorry for how I think or the things I say. So I've taken a new start on my life, I've given up all hopes that people who are not friends with me for stupid shit & lies that they decide to believe because yanno what there's nothing for me to be upset for. Friends come and go. I couldn't be upset over it after Monday because I had a lot more to worry about, that was WAY more important then losing "homies". I've been stressed out for 3 days, but things are looking up. Part of me starting over I'm not going to let the little things get to me, I'm going to live every day to the fullest, I'm not going to take advantage of the wonderful things I have. I'm glad to have the friends I've had since before Feb. even though I wasn't around much to see them I'm glad they're still around and didn't leave me just because I left them. Those ARE my true friends. I am also really happy, I met someone who's something else. Makes the last person I was into not look so great. He's made me smile a lot lately, and has helped me keep my head up while things are rough. I haven't really felt so strongly about someone. I've been left speechless on a few occasions. I'm really happy I can honestly say that I've been happy with people and left speechless by people but NOT in this way at all. He's got so many wonderful things about him that I cannot find one thing wrong with him. I may have said that about one person before but I found his flaw and it kept us apart in more then one way. Anyways back to this guy. Wow I just couldn't explain to anyone just how wonderful he is. I'm in a state of shock by his wonderful personality & the way he makes me happy and keeps me smiling! He's amazing, something else, and I'm sure we could be happy together for a very long time, but only time will say if we are going to be together. I can only hope.
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