12-11-2008
Well it seems that sometimes with the holiday spirit lacking in me for the last few years I have half expected to be visited by someone telling me I will be getting visits from 3 Christmas Spirits. Honest to God I thought that lol. I guess things are not the same for me anymore. Don’t know whether that is good or not. I'm thinking it isn’t good for me anymore lol I know the day is special because it is the birthday of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It isn’t that I don’t give a damn but I do for the people that do need it. I give to the various places Open Door Mission, Salvation Army, Toys for Tots. I forgave this friend their debt to me of $300 because it is Christmas time. But I guess I just don’t feel anything at all. Christmas time when we were children the house was full of love and laughter with all the season smells. I remember some of those from my childhood now those were some Christmases for sure. The cookie baking, the pies all the smells. Family laughter coming for the living room, the kitchen. The smiling faces of us and our cousins looking in wonder at the Christmas tree with all the presents. But there were some lean ones also that was when I made a vow my children would not go without at Christmas time and even with a shitty job I tried there were times after the divorce I couldn’t or just didn’t do. But in the years since I have made up for it I believe. Sometimes I wonder if maybe there is something wrong with me or is it because of all the things that have happened in my life. I don’t know but sometimes I think I have no excuse no excuse what so ever to be that way unless it is choice, a choice of my choosing but how can a person make it his or her choosing not to have the Christmas Spirit. How can someone choose not to have the Christmas Spirit? People that have lost or hurt or been hurt more then I have it. Even though I sometimes wonder I do nice things for people. I have helped a couple of people with funds when needed because I figured God would of wanted me to even though I know there is no chance I will ever see that money again so I told them beings it is Christmas they don’t owe me anything at all. Sometimes I do wonder lol but don’t we all. Well this will probably be added as a blog on fubar I have had fun on the site looking at all the profiles even though that some of them never return the favor but I’m not on there for rates I’m there to enjoy the time I spend on there and trade rates with those that share with me. Some do some don’t but oh well such is life. Life and love is never simple for any of us. And the one time of year when it stands out that you really feel lonely is during the holidays. Well this will go in my journal now for sure and I will share with those I decide to share with and they are all friends some are special friends and I believe they know who they are. Well later then.
