so this will be the first without mom and all the mom stuff around the house....such as her cooking and bad jokes and especially having her with us. last year she got me some cologne that i wanted and i still have it.... it reminds me of her whenever i put it on. but what really gets me....is what i got her last year.....she wanted a candle...1 of those big ones in the glass jars so she could put it in her candle warmer thingy.... well....for the past few months....when no ones around...i'll turn it on...and the kitchen smells like the scented candle...and i feel like moms in the other room. just the other day while no-one was here...i yelled out for her like i did when she was upstairs and i was down stairs just to remember what it was like....and no one answered back. i went upstairs and looked in her jewelry box and saw a glass necklace piece i hot her when i was like 16 for mothers day. along with all the cheezy gold stuff i bought her over the years...th@ 1 hurt the most.....not because i bought it for her....but because during that time i was deep in active addiction and had stolen it. It hurt when i gave it to her but at the time...i didnt relize how much. sometimes i wish i was a better son....maybe i should have went to college and gotten a reg. job/career??.... but th@s not the case here. some would say being sober from 2000 and giving mom her son back for almost 9 years was the best gift i could have givin her....................maybe it was....maybe it was.
what i do know is th@ im going to keep her with me wherever i go and whenever i feel down and out and it seems like all hope is lost. i'll just turn on her candle thingy...and she'll be home.
