Aidan watched from the corner of his eye as Leda collected cups and plates from lunch. They hadn't really been talking to each other much the last couple days. Of course, it was hard not to feel awkward after what had happened. Waking up with her snuggled against his side had been surprisingly pleasant. But Leda had seemed embarrassed and horrified, and she was no longer relaxed in his presence.
Of course she was horrified, Aidan thought, scowling. She thinks I'm a complete ass. Well, if he was going to be truthful with himself, he was a complete ass. He'd never had any motivation to be anything but, and since he was learning the business from his father, it wouldn't due to become softhearted. But he wasn't the Aidan Kirkland she knew anymore. And as far as she was concerned, he didn't even remember who that was.
Then again, neither do I, he thought, frowning. Guilt, an emotion he wasn't very used to, was sneaking up on him. No one in Aidan's life had been nice or caring. He'd never known his mother, his father hardly wanted anything to do with him, and the people hired to care for him treated him like a charge, not a son. Leda's calm, gentle demeanor was bringing out a side of him he'd long stuffed down and tried to forget.
Well, he was on crafts room duty, so he put those thoughts aside for now. Aidan left the kitchen for the crafts room and winced upon his first glance of it. Stacks of construction paper in red, pink, and white sat on the table. There were a bunch of strips cut up, and already a long chain of paper circles trailing across the room. Mary, who loved arts and crafts, had bolted her lunch and was alone in the room. There'll be more in a few minutes, Aidan thought, as headed over to Mary.
"Making something?" Aidan asked, crouching in front of her.
"Decorations!" Mary responded brightly. "For the party."
Aidan chuckled. "You all really love to party, huh?"
"Yeah," Mary said, nodding vigorously. "And we're having a bake sale too. Leda says that we can have a better party if we sell lots of stuff."
"Sounds like fun," Aidan said, settling on the floor. "Don't you think it would be better if uh...if you made more than one chain?"
Mary shook her head. "Uh uh! It needs to go through the whole place."
She just stared at him expectantly. Sighing, Aidan grabbed a pair of scissors and a stack of paper and began cutting. Satisfied, Mary went back to looping the strips through each other and pasting the ends together. Soon a flood of other children, about half of the total group, came into the arts and crafts room. Aidan hid a smile as they settled in a circle around him and began to help with the chain. Who would ever have guessed that he would enjoy working with children?
*****
"I would never have believed it if I hadn't seen it for myself."
Leda glanced at Martha and nodded in agreement. It was dinner time (she and Aidan had agreed to stay late tonight) and they'd gone to the crafts room to collect the rest of the children. The paper chain Mary had been making was strewn throughout the room. Lying in the middle of the floor like a pile of puppies curled up with papa dog was Aidan, Mary, and everyone else. Even Tara, who didn't really like physical closeness.
"They're so cute," Martha cooed. "I almost don't want to disturb them..."
"I bet they'll be hungry, though," Leda said. "Why don't you wake them? I'll start pouring drinks and stuff."
If she was a little abrupt and rude, Martha seemed unconcerned. She did look a little puzzled, but Leda wasn't about to explain. How do you explain warm, tender feelings for a man you despised a week ago? she wondered, biting her lip. He may not remember, but he's still Aidan. Seeing him curled up with the kids had given her a warm, fuzzy (and therefore uncomfortable) feeling. Leda used table setting as an excuse to get away for a few minutes.
Some of the children filed into the dining room from outside, led by Jacob, currently the oldest resident at thirteen years old. He helped set the table and pour Kool-Aid into plastic cups. By the time they were done the rest of the children were making their sleepy way to their seats. Aidan came last, looking a bit groggy and very ruffled. There was glitter on his shirt, which had to be Tara's work, and his hair was badly tousled. He looked...well, now was not the time and this was not the place to think about how he looked.
If anyone noticed that she was unusually silent during dinner no one said anything. Usually Leda lead the conversation, asking the children about their day even though she was always there for most of it. Tonight she could barely focus on her food. Aidan was leading the conversation, asking questions about the bake sale and the party.
"We could use some help, actually," Martha said, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "The things we make need to be frosted."
Ginny, who was also sitting in on dinner, looked up and nodded. "With the two of you, you can get it done even faster."
"They always pawn the frosting off on me," Leda muttered, speaking for the first time since dinner had started. "No one likes to do it."
The children listened to this exchange with wide, curious eyes. This was "adult talk", the stuff they didn't usually understand too well. For once I really, really want to be anywhere but here, Leda thought, ignoring Mary's and Tara's barely stifled giggles. Those two are too observant for their own good. They had picked up on the tension between her and Aidan, even if the didn't understand it. And unlike the older kids, they weren't good about keeping silent.
Finally the day was done and she and Aidan went home. There was a message on the answering machine from George, who said that Earl Kirkland was getting irritated at his son's absence. That ruined their already precarious moods. They had spent some time looking at the things George had brought, but to no avail. I don't want him to remember, Leda thought, feeling guilt settle heavily in her stomach. I want him to stay just the way he is now.
She watched Aidan drop onto the couch with a groan. He really wasn't sleeping as well as he needed to on the couch, although he had adjusted some. I could let him sleep in my bed... Leda mused. Except he might get the wrong idea. Or he might get the right idea, which was what worried her. The old Aidan would have found it hilarious that she wanted to cuddle up with him again, but what about the new Aidan? There's no use wondering over it, Leda thought stubbornly, because it isn't going to happen.
*****
"Put those down on the counter."
With a sigh of relief, Aidan set down the plastic bags he was carrying, then the boxes he had balanced precariously against his body. As if the twenty-something cans of frosting weren't enough, the boxes full of cookies had turned the trip up to Leda's apartment into hell. She came in behind him, also carrying boxes, and nudged the door closed with her foot. Aidan grabbed the boxes from her and she flashed a small, grateful smile.
"Do you really sell all of this?" Aidan asked, opening a box of sugar cookies shaped like hearts.
"Not every last thing," Leda answered, shrugging off her coat and hanging it up. She took his and hung that up, too. "But quite a bit of it. We use it on food and little gifts for the kids."
Aidan began pulling the cans of frosting out of the bag, to uncovered bottles of sprinkles. "Can they eat stuff like this? I mean..."
"Most of them can eat some sweets," Leda answered, helping him sort through bags and boxes. "It's not healthy for any child to have too much, obviously. And we have records of allergies, too."
Aidan helped her clear off as much of the counter as possible and spread tin foil over the surfaces. Leda got out two butter knives and handed him one of them. They both opened a can of frosting and a bottle of sprinkles and got to work. There were a lot of cookies, but Aidan bet they could get this done in a single night. And it turned out to be surprisingly fun, too. Leda was focused, so he was able to get her to talk casually again.
"I used to do this sort of thing with my mother," she was saying, as she spread chocolate frosting on a cookie.
"I never...I uh, really don't think I knew my mother," Aidan stammered. He was suddenly glad she was distracted, because he'd nearly given himself away. "I mean, from the stuff George brought us...I don't see many signs of her."
"Well," Leda said, setting down her knife and going for the sprinkles. "The Kirkland family is in the news quite a bit. If I remember correctly, Earl Kirkland's first wife died in childbirth...oh!"
She stopped, suddenly fully aware of what she was saying, and turned to him. Aidan looked up and forced a smile to his face. The fact that Leda was concerned about hurting him eased the sorrow of being reminded about his mother. What would things have been like, if she'd lived? he wondered. Would I have been a different person? In the last week or so Aidan had come to realize that he'd never really known who he was. He'd given in to being what others expected of him his whole life.
"I'm sorry," Leda said quietly. "I didn't mean to bring up something like that..."
Aidan shrugged. "Either way, I wouldn't remember her. Though I suppose if I was as big an asshole as I'm getting the impression I was, maybe I deserved that."
"No one deserves to lose their mother," Leda said, staring down at the sheet of frosted cookies. "Even if you were a...a jerk, you don't..."
Way to ruin the mood, Aidan thought, sighing. He went back to frosting and sprinkling until he ran out of cookies. Leda took some time to mix some red food-coloring into vanilla frosting, giving him that to work with for awhile. They worked in silence for a long time. When Aidan glanced over at her, he noticed that her cookies were much neater and prettier than his. Guess I'm not much good at this, he thought, wiping his hands clean on a paper towel.
"How are we going to repack these?" Aidan asked, gesturing to the cookies that were already finished.
"There's wax paper in the drawer next to the sink," Leda answered, not even looking up. "Do a layer of cookies, then wax paper, then cookies...and so on."
That was much easier than decorating cookies, although he did more of that, too. It was nearly eleven by the time they had all the cookies frosted and packed back in their boxes. Leda sat on a clear spot on the counter, running her finger along the knife she used to get some of the chocolate left on it. Aidan watched her lick the frosting from her finger and he felt his body tighten in response.
"So uh...we should probably get the dishes done too," Aidan said quietly, stacking the dishes on the counter beside her.
"We should," Leda agreed. "But I don't really want to. Here."
She was holding the knife out to him. Aidan scooped some of the frosting off of it and tasted it; it was just shy of being too sweet for him. He realized that Leda was watching him and he wondered if she realized how sexy she looked, peering up at him from beneath her lashes. Aidan stepped closer to her until he was right up against the counter.
"It's too sweet," Leda said quietly. "Without a cookie or a cupcake or..."
Her voice trailed off. A charming pink flush had crept into her cheeks but she continued to meet his gaze. Aidan was certain that she too felt the attraction that sparked between them. He closed his hand around hers, taking the knife from her, and leaned in to kiss her. Leda responded with a shy, hesitant press of her lips on his. He slid an arm around her waist, determined not to let her go.
Considering how gentle she was, it amazed him how much fire she responded with as she relaxed. Her lips parted willingly, allowing him to taste the heat of her mouth. Leda closed her thighs around his hips, keeping him directly up against her. The little moans she made as he kissed and nipped at her neck drove him crazy. Aidan set the knife down long enough to get a hold on her shirt and lift it off.
"Aidan...wait..." Leda protested weakly.
He didn't want to wait. And she didn't try too hard to stop him, either. In fact, she slid her hands beneath his shirt, over his back, her fingertips running lightly over his skin. Aidan found her mouth again, kissing her ardently as he reached around to unhook her bra. She shivered and blushed when he pulled it off, but she didn't stop him. He trailed kisses down her neck, over her collarbone, and between her breasts, savoring the soft noises she made.
Aidan locked his hands beneath her thighs and lifted her up off the counter. Her hold on him tightened, her nails pressing against his skin. He brought them down onto the couch, covering her mouth was his, settling himself comfortably between her legs. His hands traveled up along her sides, up to her breasts, fondling them gently. Leda writhed beneath him, moaning softly.
He wanted her. Now. Aidan sat up long enough to pull his shirt off and unfasten his jeans. Leda's eyes widened and she scrambled up to a sitting position. Startled, he studied her face, not certain what to make of the nervousness in her eyes. She closed her arms around herself and scooted away from him. The look in her eyes was the same one that had been there when they'd woken up on the couch together.
"I'm going to go take a shower," Aidan growled, jumping off the couch.
She didn't answer. He stomped into the bathroom and slammed the door shut, feeling frustrated and angry. Of course she doesn't want me touching her, Aidan thought, as he turned the shower on and struggled with his feelings. I'm still Aidan Kirkland, the snake.
*****
Leda had never been so terrified in her life. At first, when it had just been kissing and petting, she'd felt safe. But Aidan had definitely wanted more and that was not good. Because she did too. It wouldn't be right, she thought, as she changed into an old t-shirt she used to sleep in. He isn't himself right now. Except that it was getting harder and harder to think of Aidan any other way than the way he was now.
And she'd hurt him, too. She hadn't meant to, but she'd seen it in his eyes before he got up to take a shower. What am I supposed to do? Leda wondered, as she ran a brush through her hair. I don't know how to deal with this. She'd spent so much of her life first taking care of her brother, than the children at the hospice. There'd been no time for a social life. Leda had always figured that she was just one of those women who would rather do what she loved than find a man and get married, so it hadn't really bothered her when boys didn't ask her out.
The shower turned off. Leda held her breath, trying not to imagine him in the shower, with water running down his skin. She dropped back onto the bed and closed her eyes, trying to still the pounding of her heart and pulse. Rustling in the living room had to be Aidan getting ready for bed. On that damn uncomfortable couch, Leda thought, biting her lip.
It was against her better judgment, it really was. She knew she shouldn't, even as she climbed out of bed and tiptoed to the door. Leda peered out into the living room, to see Aidan straightening the blankets on the couch. His back was to her and if he'd heard her at all, he showed no sign of it.
"Um...Aidan," Leda called softly. He paused briefly, then went back to work. "Look, um...I know that couch is uncomfortable...so uh...if you'd like to sleep in here..."
She saw his shoulders tense and cringed. This was just not coming out the way she wanted it to. Taking a deep breath, Leda tried again.
"You work just as hard as I do," she said, just loud enough for him to hear. "You should be comfortable too. There's plenty of room so...if you want..."
He didn't respond. Well, I tried, Leda thought, as she padded back to her bed. He probably lost his desire to be near me, after that. She hadn't meant to look so frightened and horrified. It wasn't because of him; she just couldn't believe the way she was acting. I have never been like this, Leda thought, groaning softly as she burrowed under her blankets. I don't know what's gotten into me.
Exhaustion didn't leave her much space to think about it. Her eyelids felt heavy. Leda was beginning to drift off when she heard the faint creak and felt the faint pressure of someone climbing into bed. The covers lifted for just a moment, long enough to let in cold air that made her shiver. And then strong arms closed around her, dragging her close. Leda couldn't stop the contented sigh that escaped her lips as Aidan curled up against her.
She felt his breath against her neck, warm and soothing. His legs tangled with hers, drawing her even closer. Leda closed her hand over one of his and he twined his fingers with hers. This...is wonderful, she thought sleepily. He's so warm and strong... Like the night on the couch, she was so comfortable that she didn't want to move. In moments she'd drifted off to sleep.
